Hello, my name is Bailey Threinen. I am 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. I have thought about putting myself out there for some time now but never have i found the courage to do so, until today that is. Never putting myself out there leaves me at a loss as to what i am supposed to do…. so going off of what i do know i am going to give some background on my diagnoses.
The first event i ever found myself feeling depressed was the night of my parents decision to get a divorce. I was 8 and my brother was 5, being so young we did not understand the reasoning behind their decision; i being the little girl that believed in happy ending thought that they had to stay together, because that is how it was in the stories. It took me a few weeks to realize that life isn’t based off of a fairy tale; The next event that led me to my diagnoses happened one week shy of my father moving out. He had been staying with our neighbors and he was starting to pack up his stuff… my mother being herself wouldn’t let my dad see my brother and i so a big fight broke out and the police were called….long story short my father ended up in an inpatient care facility due to his own mental health issues.
After this incident i started feeling different, my mother noticed it and took me with her to her therapist … i was 9 by that time and i was told that i could have something called depression, i had never heard that word until that day and it scared me, i couldn’t help but think ” why me? is this cause of my mom and dad, is this all a punishment for me making them breakup?” for years i kept asking myself that and eventually it turned to me telling myself it was my fault.
At the age of 11 i was diagnosed officially with mild depression, by this time i had gotten used to the fact of being sad all the time, having some ” mind altering disease”. I was later asked to take a test to see if there was any other factors causing my depression, and that’s when i was diagnosed with major anxiety.
I planned to take my life that night, living like that for as long as i had only to find out that i would be living like this the rest of life…. i didn’t want that, in fact i couldn’t have that. I wrote a note on my phone, but i never went through with it; to be frank i am glad i didn’t. Later in the week my mom found the note and took me back to the therapist, only to have me put onto medication.
Skipping ahead a few years to February 15, 2016.
I have attempted multiple times by this point, i was diagnosed with an eating disorder and i was a chronic cutter. My mother was arrested on this day ( February 15 2016) i ran away leaving my little brother, the child whom i raised while my mom was doing drugs and fucking up, with my abusive step dad. My brother and i are now living with my aunt and uncle and have been for the past 18 months. Last year i was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.. i was hospitalized and got treated for my mental health and eating disorder.
I have finally began to accept that i am different, but its not bad. I have decided to put myself out there and try to help other people along the way, as well as make friendships that will hopefully be life long.
– Bailey Thrienen