Hello everyone. My name is Wes Langford. I feel as though I am very lucky right now. I suffer from OCD, though I have not had any significant problems of note in over 6 years. I do suffer from bouts of periodic obsessing, but these have become so infrequent that I can’t recall the last one.
This all being said, I spent nearly all of 2001 and 2002 in a debilitating state of terror from my OCD. Unfortunately, I spent all of my time trying to disentangle myself fear, so I did not journal. These days are really distant memories to me now, and I can say for years I moved on with my life. However, there is a family member very close to me (a child, not mine) who has demonstrated possible symptoms of OCD. I also have a friend who is a teacher who has a young child right now in her class that suffers from OCD. Seeing these children suffer, I feel a duty to share my story in graphic detail and perhaps give others hope.
There were many months in my life where I would not go as far as to say I was suicidal, but thoughts of suicide became comforting. My mind had engulfed itself with ritualistic behaviors, if/thens, panic attacks, and such a sense of fear that I woke up in the middle of the night every day for weeks with a headache and nosebleeds followed by vomiting. I began to work thoughts of suicide into my obsessive thinking, for example, "Instead of steering this car across the yellow lines, I will just go home and kill myself". It is terrifying now to think that at the time it was very comforting logic to me, but I remember it very clearly.
Although this is memorable to me, it is far from the lowest of my lows. I will continue blogging my experiences, and hopefully, someone may see it and get comfort and hope in knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am now 32 years old, married, have two lovely kids, and am relatively successful in my career. Seven or eight years ago I could not walk my dog for fear that I would lose control while I was out of my house. Please, feel free to contact me if you have questions or know a way for me to help.