My ex boyfriend asked me to take him back. I said not now. He said he missed me. I miss him too. He laid a guilt trip on me just to find out if I still love him. He didn't need to do that. I know there have to be some good men out there but why are the idiots the ones who open their mouths constantly? To make matters worse, my ex made a comment on something which made my blood boil. I have tried to be friends with him and lately I have been stabbed in the back by almost everything he's said. I loved him enough to set him free and I'm the one who get's targeted as a dirty word. Isn't love grand?
It almost makes me wonder if I'm worth another man's time or affection. Maybe some people are right about solitude. Maybe I should just shut everyone out and pretend everything is fine. I don't open up, I don't get hurt. But on the other hand that would be very hypocritical of me putting this on a blog for everyone on the internet to read now wouldn't it?
I just don't understand. I have been told that I'm a great person, a sweetheart, a beautiful, gracious being. If that's true then why am I lonely, miserable and feeling like I'm broken and don't belong anywhere amoung the living? My favorite is when they tell me I'm beautiful. If that's the case then that should explain the mile long stretch of men just waiting to date me…..oh wait….there isn't.
Cynical rant aside, I'm tired. Tired of being me and tired of making mistake after mistake with my life. Not to worry, nothing drastic will be done I assure you. I'm just tired. Tired of being broken and tired of wondering if I will ever be done walking this earth alone. I know it's a dark and somewhat silly way to end my entry but then again it's late into the night (or early in the morning) and as I said, I'm tired.