Today has been difficult emotionally. I feel really "blah" and I'm also frightened because I can feel thedepression creeping backin again.. I reallywant to be able to enjoy the holidays some. and if this gets worse there won't be any joy in me. I'll be theGrinch.

I'mgoing stir-crazy I think. I ran up to the old downtown shopping distric today and made some purchases. Aaron couldn't sleep so he went with me, which wasnice. We ended up stopping to have lunch at Hardee's and then came home and went tosleep. I got up to get my sonfrom the bus, and since then I've been talking with my Mom. She decided tolay down for a nap, so now it's pretty much just me ~ Zachary's engrossed in a t.v. show at the moment.

It's WAY too warm here for December. The thermometer outside reads 85 degrees and we're humid. I don't expect snow or anything, but being in the 60's during the day would be nice. Sheesh.

On a good note (at least good for me), we're not going to Aaron's family Christmas party on Saturday. Aaron will be working a 12 hour shift to pick up some extra money on his paycheck. He told them I wouldn't be coming because my "dad will be visiting this weekend", even though we're not sure if he is or not. He knows I hate those parties. Every family member is shouting for attention (and there are a LOT of people in his family) and acts like jackasses. They do a massive dinner where everyone brings something they've made, and that's pretty good, butduring the waiting for the food and other family members to arrive most of them get pretty sloshed. I drink from time to time, maybe a few times a year ~ and I never let myself get that drunk. By the time everyone's seated and eating (all 40 of them) most of them are pretty well toasted. And then as the party winds down they all get up on stage and start playing instruments and singing worship songs, and they don't stop for HOURS. I usually end up on the cleaning crew. But the worst part for me is that I'm mostly invisible after everyone gives me a hug and a hi. They act like I have the plague due to my bipolar disorder. And since I don't like forcing myself on anyone or being around people who care so little about me that they don't take the time to talk with me I prefer not going. Sorry ~ I'm venting. But like I said, I have "other plans" this year. 😉

I think I'm going to go for a walk. I didn't do it this morning but I can do it this afternoon and have my family for company on it. Maybe we'll even take Carley, our dog. She loves it, but she pulls on the leash the whole time so we don't normally take her with us.

I wish I had something witty or wise to say today, but I just don't have it in me. I also apologize that I haven't been calling or picking up the phone lately. With the difficulty talking, the dry mouth and just feeling low I haven't been up to being on the phone. Please don't think it's because I don't care or are avoiding you, because that's not the case.

I hope everyone had a good day, and take care.