It's been a while since I've been here. I feel somewhat bad for not being here often anymore – at one time I spent every free waking hour on DT. DT saved me on more than one occasion, and I feel I owe the site – the people who make the site as amazing as it is, much more of my time. I have failed my DT friends and for that I am so sorry.
Since first joining, life has had it's ups and downs. I joined back in 2010 when my entire life seemed like it has hit rock bottom. DT got me through that seemingly impossible period, and over time, I rebuilt my life. I won't bore you all with the details, but I will say I learnt what happiness was again, and realised that real happiness was better than I could ever have imagined.
I have however in the past few weeks been made redundant from my job of almost 5 years. I'd had my ups and downs in that position – although I loved my job immensely, I also encountered what can only be described as bullying for the past 2 years or so. I went from loving my job to crying in the morning because I knew I had to go. I had 3 months off over the summer due to anxiety and depression. I went back on meds, which helped in one way, but made my 'love life' with my partner suffer. It was a catch 22 situation.
In the end, I'd been saying to myself for months that the best thing that could happen was redundancy – and then suddenly that became very real. I felt a certain relief. But now I feel apprehension. I worry I may struggle to find another position on good money, in a technical scientific role as before. I worry for my future.
I'm no longer on meds, and for now I feel ok without, but I can't help but wonder how long I can sit here, alone at home, before I start to feel that anxiety creeping in. Before I start to feel that black cloud wash over me and push me down.
There is so much more for me to say – but I am tired so I'll stop there for now.
I've missed my DT friends. I hope you can forgive my absence.