So today I did something I've never done before, I don't know what you'd call it and I don't know if it's a OCD thing. I dont really know everything about OCD, just the things that I experience eg checking, intrusive thoughts. I live in a small apartment on my families propety so when I left today to do work I had to go through the main house. I had to check the hair straightner was unplugged, that I locked my door, that I locked the two back doors of the main house and the front door of the main house. When I got into my car I had to count everything I needed to do on my fingers and say outloud 'I locked my door' ect. I had to do that listtwice. I've never done that before.
I had a pretty dull day today, I've started volunteer work at a Op shop (thrift store) three days a week and I'm already thinking it was a bad idea. It's not like normal work or the work that I've done where I have a role of some sort and I know what I have to do. With this I have to ask people what needs to be done and when in new situations I'm not really good at speaking up. There's like no instructions and todat at like 4:30pm everyone was leaving and I would be the only one there so I just left too. Probably should have told someone but I just wanted to get out.
Anyway so I'm thinking of getting my case worker (employment) to contact them and tell them I can only do one day a week and onlythree hours. Why can't I call myself? Because I legit can't talk to people on the phone, I get so anxious. I can call to make appointments with places I know very well. This is really hard to explain. To put it simply if I was to call my work I would possibly have a panic attack because I don't know them that well.I think I've chewed off more i can handle and I need to work on my anxiety and OCD before I jump into something like this. I'm working with clothes so it kind of effects my OCD a little (germs) But getting there and parking and asking people what to do stresses me out.
When I parked my car I literally checked it was locked about twenty times, a couple times I actually walked away and had to go back. So that was fun.This blog is kinda random, but I'm it treating as a general blog because it helps to get things in writing so I can process it. I can't think about my OCD too much because it just gets to me.
Is it the repetition that's bothering you? This is typical of OCD, especially in periods of intense anxiety. I think it's partly a matter of reduced mindfulness: when we're anxious, we aren't paying as close attention to our checking, thus the need to repeat. An anxious state also makes any potential disaster (I left the iron on and the house will burn down!) seem more likely. The social anxiety may and the OCD proably are aggravating each other. I hope you can get this situation resolved to your benefit.
Anytime my anxiety gets intense, even at times when it's not, I get like that. I understand where you're coming from, my OCD is the same, checking and intrusive thoughts initially it was Harm OCD and now it is HOCD (homosexual OCD) it's like an identity crisis. However, in my experience these things come and go.