2 months ago i felt suicidal. I could see no light at the end of my tunnle. Everything frigthened me and the worst was when i was alone or if i sat down for wven 5 minutes. I was afraid of my own thought yet there felt there was no escape. How can you just stop being you? How can you stop feeling what you feel? I was convinved i had brain tummors, cancer, blood poisioning, i was going crazy, i was going to end up in a hospital ( which i felt i would be safer ) honestly, i was truely convinced each time i had these fears they were really happening to me. Eventually my logic stepped in and i learned my anxiety was manifesting to what ever it could stick to. I would then obsess about it all day! I created my own bad habbit and now im trapped in my own nightmare. I still feel panicked and overwhelmed by theses thoughts but if lets say at my worst i was a 10… im now at a steady 5 so the good news ive progressed!
As i lay here feeling extremly tired, its occurred to me that i can actually just lay here! I can relax and infact i actually enjoy it. I meditate! I calm myself down. I AM and i WILL over come this! The control my fear as over me is slowly lossing its grip. I must remeber on my low moods that i can overcome this. No matter how frustrated i become i am learning the tools that will better help me in my life.
On the plus side of this depression and fearfully anxiety disorder, i realise its pushed me to be better. Im eating better and working out… im appreciating my children much more and the love i have for them. That all i need in life if for my children to be happy. I do however knkw that in order for me to make my family truely happy is to be truely happy and a peace myself!
Anyone who suffers with these overwhelming feeling know your not alone. We need to look after ourselves and be kind to ourselves. I listen to alot of positive speaches on you tube. I avoid reading things that will scare me and i treat people with kindness. I’m now starting to see my light at the end of my tunnle.
Have a nice day