My wife and I have been married almost 8 years, we were hot when we met, passion hot enough to start a fire. Here we are three kids later and I struggle to stay positive when she is around. To be fare we have three kids, she has given birth to three children and one as recently as 2016. At times the conversations are great and she can engage in the random acts of kindness but for the most part she is short with me, snippy, unkind, unaffectionate, and I basically have to stop myself from calling her the ice queen.

She wont touch me for the most part and we havent been intimate for a long time. I try to talk to her and she shuts down, gets angry even. She has told me early in our relationship she was always afraid  I would hit her, I did have some issues channeling my anger but I have never hurt an individual. I suffered from migraines and often would get very short because I was in pain. She feels strongly being in pain is no excuse remember this because it will become relevant in a few sentences. Now she tells me to just keep trying and she will come around but it is hard when she is so mean to me.

From the perspective of others she treats me like I cheated and need to earn back her trust and work to rebuild the damage I caused but I didnt cheat. I dont want anyone else I just want my wife back.

I cant imagine leaving, not having my kids in my daily life would destroy me. I know she would never leave me because she wouldnt do that to our children but what does that make us? Roommates?

I really am trying so hard to be the best man I can; I help out around the house, I do a lot of the cooking, I help with the kids, I try to do nice things for her but in the mean while its like she is purposely trying to be a poster child for hypocrisy. She has angry outburst at the children to the point where she scares them or they come ask me what is wrong with her. She grabs them awfully hard and can be rough with them (never hits of course). She will be  increadibly short and rude to me because she is “just tired” or “in pain” which I get accept the whole thing she critic

We saw a marriage councilor and it turned out to be a waste of money; the councilor would give us activities or suggestions and my wife would just ignore them. For instance she told us to pick a night of the week and make it activity night where just my wife and I would play a game or something. Each week we would take turns picking the activity; the first week I picked a board game we used to play together, second week she forgot so I picked again, third week she didnt feel like it and that was the end of that. The therapist really tried to work with her on her passive aggressive nature and get her to talk to me more about her feelings. Might as well suggested she climb mount Everest.

New Years Eve I went to great lengths to make sure we had a special night, I made paella from scratch paired with a nice bottle of a Spanish Wine. We took the kids out to a bon fire and on our way to the car she tripped over herself and from there it was all down hill. She laid down on the couch and when I tried to get another activity going or talk to her she closed me out. She told me she was in pain and it wasnt me….here is the thing, i was only one week out of Surgery for a torn Labrum in my shoulder, I had been in pain all night, I had put myself through pain to make sure her night was special. Eventually she got up without a word and went to bed. 10:30 I was on the couch alone welcoming in the new year. Now remember, she is telling me pain is no excuse to be short tempered or rude, i guess unless we are talking about her pain?