where to start…so she says that she just doesn’t want to be with anyone anymore and more or less follows that up with ‘yes I am seeing Tom’….we were together over 10 years have two children together and I find out she has been lieing to me for the whole time…I never thought I would become involved with someone like her…i realize she was fake and using me the whole time…to my face she said yes we are on the same page and behind my back she did what she pleased with no real regard as to what the children heard or saw…she taught her 2 oldest to lie to cover up her indescretions and for the first time, last nite, tried to get honest about some things…she blamed me for not trusting her when she would disappear all weekend and always told people I was to blame…up til I got cancer I was a jerk sometimes and pushed her to do a better job of mothering…for 2 years I have been a totally different person…how can a person say, ‘you were a jerk you did not trust me’ and in the same breath admit they constantly lied…if a man sees his significant other run and stay out and questions it, gets inconsistent explanations and nothing, I mean NOTHING, ever quite fit how the hell should a concerned partner respond…she became abusive after my cancer treatment and has said she wished I had died…noone deserves that kind of thinking…I am not perfect, I have been abusive as well, but how does she act like the last ten years never happened…I am so hurt and angry…especially at myself for being taken in…I never thought I would get ‘put on’ by a woman to this degree…we all make mistakes and evidently the whole ten years was a mistake…I am baffled and confused that I never really knew this person…she acted like she had values and morals…I find out now she is just learning what that means….

My responsibility now, and this is hard right now:  uphold her as an important person because she is my sons’ mom…have love for her as a growing person…support her new relationship (same guy I questioned her about 19 months ago and she claimed it was all in my head…). wish and pray for the best for her, interact with her in a productive way,  stay out of her business!!!  

I am hurt and angry, becauseThis is a person I would not want around me or my children if she was not thier mother…I never thought I could be taken in by such a selfish, self serving, immature girl…God, I hate myself right now…I never thought I would ever say I am an abused person, both emotionally and physically at times…I am a pretty tough Momma’s boy and proud of it…how did I let this happen to me…my heart is cracked and I can’t stand this feeling (I know…it too shall pass)  how can someone pretend to care for so long and be so cruel….I stayed around to care for our kids…she ran way to much and never focused on the kids…she would take off to run and not even care if they had eaten…she would leave her oldest child, 15, to watch the kids and on two occasionswhen we went out we got home and our 3 year old ran into the street to greet me…the girl did not even know he was outside and we live on a busy street…after the second time I started staying home to make sure someone was there to care for my boys…the 15 year old did what she pleased and when I tried to correct the problem her mother would intervene and just blow off the misdeed…it was almost like she cared more about not upsetting her daughter (maybe she was afraid her daughter would tell on her) than the fact that our child walked into the street…it seems as long as I was working and trying to provide us with an income we were OK…I became really sick from the cancer treatment and she no longer needed me…she even kicked me across the room twice when I was at my weakest and had a peg tube in for feeding…she actually kicked me in the stomach where the tube was after a full week of throwing up…I AM SUCH AN IDIOT….if it were not for my boys I would actually check the f@#! out….