I just wanted to post a quick update on my mental state. I am starting to feel a little better about myself. My confidence is coming back again. And it has nothing to do with my relying on approval of my parents. It doesn’t really matter what they think of me, what matters is how I feel about myself. I found some quotes yesterday too that were really helpful. I got some blood test results back and my chloride and my sodium is low, but I’ve already increased my sodium intake and already I am feeling better. I don’t get light headed as much. Hopefully my blood pressure is back to normal, too. But we will see in due time. She told me to lessen my water intake, but thats one of the only things that really helps me to poop, I drink 64 oz a day, I’m not going under that…… Especially with the kind of meds I am on… I have a game plan for when Sonya goes back to school. Wednesday I am going to go to the library and apply for jobs. Thursday I am going to apply to temp agencies. Friday I will start calling people and the time I have left, I’ll play Roblox!
And here, in my own little world, it CAN be all about me. That’s how it should be. I should shine my brightest light within myself, because at the end of the day I am the only one I’ve got. Yes, I have Sonya, I have some friends, a therapist and a psychiatrist, but they don’t go day in and day out with me and my thoughts. I matter. I have always mattered. No matter what, I will always tender to my own needs FIRST and put myself FIRST, no one else. Of course my life is all about Sonya too, but for Sonya to be happy, I need to take care of myself. So, here I go, without the acceptance of my parents, because I know what really matters. I know the truth. I know how it should be. Maybe I do act like I am God, but I don’t see why I should be hated just because I have this confidence. Haters gonna hate, though! Anyone who says I act like God just don’t have love for themselves. Whats right for others needs to be right for them and only them. Whats right for me needs to be right for me and only me. That’s just the way it as. As for the situation in a whole…. Whats said is said, whats done is done, it is what it is. I can’t change the way my parents feel about me, I have no control over that. What I do have control over is me and how I feel about myself. I must continue to stay happy for the sake of my own life. Yes, my life depends on it. FUCK what other people say and think about me. I am strong, powerful and perfect just the way I am. I am exactly where I need to be in life! I need to be okay with the person I am now to be able to grow. If I don’t have love for myself how would I possibly be able to achieve anything? I WOULDN’T! So, here I go, on this fresh journey. If anything my parents just had me draw myself closer to my inner being. I must tender to my inner child more than ever before. I must praise her for all the amazing things that she has done. I am so proud of me! I love myself. I am amazing! WOW, am I amazing! Just feeling the energy pulsing through my veins is what keeps me going. I am calm and content. I need no one. Life is going to be what I make of it. Time to take life by the horns and squish the balls of my enemies. I am going to make sure I have a smile on my face all the time. No matter who battles me or tries to bring me down. My life is beautiful and great! I am a good person. Let’s fucking GO!