I just can't seem to see anything clearly anymore…it's killing me. Everything is going by so quickly, leaving me in the dark. Cold and alone. Completely isolated from everything.
Today was a pretty good day, well as good as school can be. It's hell like always, but ya know. Anyways I was really tired and I ached, so when I got home I threw my jacket on the table but a few papers flew off because they were super close to the edge. It pissed me off a bit so I made a sound of annoyance, making my grandma mad.
She was on me like a panther. It just escalated till she's like; ''All you want to do is fight!'' I didn't do anything! I just came home and didn't expect anyone to be home, but in general I was annoyed. I didn't do anything! She is like a bomb sometimes, where no matter what colour wire you cut, it's gonna blow.
Anyways that really made me quite edgy and emotional. Also last weekend I was at my dad's and he was really on me the whole time. Always yelling. It was killing me.
Like I wouldn't go over to his room so he could pray while I stood there not wanting to. It was pissing me off that he couldn't just do it in my room. So he kept yelling at me to get me over there, which I wouldn't do. He finally grabbed my ankles and tried to drag me off the bed, in the end not working. But it sure scared me, yet I never showed it.
He got pissed and left. Hiding my laptop, which I didn't care because I don't need it. I brung it down for homework which I had finished a few hours before. He was just a complete asshole, like normal.
Yet it still hurt, because I felt so much like…well, I toy. Something he could overpower and do whatever with. Somethig who would do whatever he wanted, his way. I felt no where like a daughter, not that I ever really have.
He's never acted like a real father, I'm nothing more than something he can use. Also something he owns and is his butler.
Thinking back on everything just makes me break apart…kill me now. I'm crying so hard now.