I was lucky to catch a glimpse of fight club on tv… and even though I have seen it before it felt different this time around.

It made me think of my current standings… in my spirituality…

It seemed like I was quite prideful of being quite mature for my age… but should I have been?

Yeah I learned to look at things from an adult perspective… do this and that in this situations to be the bigger man… but am I really happy?

What really is insane or sane… what is good or what really is evil?

Tyler Durden: People do it everyday, they talk to themselves… they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it.

An entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shi* we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

These quotes especially rang true to me.

Would I really be happy even though I am making millions and having a good executive job? something in my heart says no… I won't ever be truly happy living a life like that.

First and foremost I need to get my spirituality checked… throw away everything I learned… "Hit bottom" so I can go to that place I really want to be.

Our definition of what we want to become changes… it changes all the time.

When we can work up to become a different person that we want to be… then it'll change again… and there will still be a hole missing in our hearts…

I guess we'll keep changing and learning until we get closer and closer to what we really want… the want that's embedded deep into our hearts without the social dogma and the manipulations of society.

I think it's lucky that someone changes and finds these out sooner rather then later…

"That which you fight, you become."

It's weird how everything I seem to think at that time seems to bring on more stuffs in that similar archive…

I guess it's the law of attraction at work… or hmmm I can't be too sure.

but the quote 2 steps forward, 3 steps back really seems to describe the situation I am in right now…

I thought I had it all figured out… but now I am unsure of my changes and the stuffs that I thought was the "way" for awhile now…

hmmm all these stuffs really got me thinking that maybe I am not that special… maybe my small life won't mean anything even though I keep on living…

We all hope for some greater things to come… but in the end it doesn't really matter… the world just became this way… everything's superficial… it's all just a lie.

Fighting and fighting… but for what? in the end you'll just come to accept it all… Wear a business suit and become one of those guys that you once deeply hated…

In this day and age there's no room for honor… I can't keep on living this way… I need a big change fast.

Just demolish all society so we can start over… because the world today isn't working.

We all feel that way, deep inside our hearts… but now the reference point for rationality provided to you by the general mediums is telling you that, it's too far-fetched of a plan.

Before the day of the internet… tv… and the phone…

People living in a small town were just influenced by each other… looking up to elders and their way of life… but there was more diversity… because of travelling and more diversity from each town… each tribe. People came to be unphased by the difference because it became such a normal thing for them…

They were definitely more understanding and openminded.

Now that there's the mass media… and the popular culture… which goes to almost every ditches and rubbles of the world. It's now suddenly all controlling… no room for the "different".

What started with optimistic thoughts for the future came to bite us in the ass and control us…

It does sounds very familiar doesn't it?

Even with clear thoughts… that doesn't mean that your head's full of lies and deceptions…

Even if you can be VERY sure that what you believe is the absolute truth… well keep thinking that and maybe later on the contradictions will come and leave you dazed.

Were really that fragile… and so easy to manipulate.

There really is no truth… Just happiness and sadness… There isn't any good or evil… just the difference in thought.

This is a note to myself:

We have no way of fortelling the future… Do not try to be so sure that in this way you will succeed… or become happier… That'll just bring on the ultimate failure.

Try to stay happy… don't think about what you can do for other people… as this is your one and only life to begin with. Try to think about what you can do for yourself.

Do not be deceived by the world. They can't tell you what you do and do not want. Only you can tell… As you are human and the humans that have come and gone infront of you… onto the sands… because they're insignificant… They cannot tell you how to lead a better life when they aren't in one themselves.

As I said… only you can tell. Live life and even if you regret, have pride that you chose that life for yourself…

Life is without meaning when your living for others… going onto paths others have set for you.

I am not stupid anymore… What the general public don't understand is that… even though you study so much and spend your time working to become rich and successful…

There's still a big chance that you won't… and you'll come to regret it more then the rest of us… and if you did that because of your parents… then you'll come to hate yourself even more…

I am not saying do not study and laze around… Just live life in the moment…

If you have an idea… or a thought… then just run with it… do not be troubled by your surroundings or the societies invisible barriers…

They can only stop you if you let it…

 You have all the powers to become significant… to lead a genuine life… let's see if your capable of that.