nothing interesting, just me bitching about a dog.
feeling stupid because my problems seem so small compared to other people's ails and happenings and worries… So why are these small things so hurtful? Like now, i feel lonely. I usually enjoy my own company, but the last few days' cold has isolated me completely. Not that i dont have clothes to ward off the cold, but i have no chance of a social life. Or, what i usually call a social life. I only meet ppl out walking, or at a cafe or pub – outdoors. This is because of the dog, that cannot be left alone for even 5 minutes without crazy neighbour trying to get me kicked out, because stupid dog barks her head off. So i'm more or less locked up. Of course i walk her, but not as much as in summer, because she can't stay outside too long now. Doesnt seem like a big problem, but it really makes me feel down. I have no friends to visit or come visiting, because i've chased them all away in my bad periods. I have noone to watch dog while i go out for a while. i have a dogsitter once a week – but during those hours i'm stressing for group therapy and back. there used to be ppl in the neighbourhood that wanted to watch dog for a few hors, but they stopped that as they got dogs of their own. i texed one of them this weekend, but i didnt even get an answer. so now i dont dare, in fear of bugging ppl and make them angry with me. so im stuck here feeling sorry for myself for something i chose. it was my desicion to get the dog (she gives me a lot, but she demands a lot too). i keep searching through my contact list, but there are noone there to call. or text.
really, it's not the dog. it's that these situations make me realize how alone i am. how much other ppl mean to me, even though i say and pretend to myself that they dont. it would be nice to get a text or mail or whatever, a small token that i am thought about. not from anyone special, just the idea of ppl caring. and then i feel even more stupid for even thinking that someone actually would.