I\’m feeling quite anxious at the moment because tomorrow morning I have to call my GP to ask for a refferral for (suspected) Bi-Polar disorder….I did a self-diagnostic test the other day after winding myself up for a long time imagining I have it….and if the test is anything to go by, I certainly do have it…I scored 23 out of 25 – where they can apparently diagnose someone who got 13….so am quite worried! I also told my parents that night….which was horrible as my mother is always in denial over my \’mental\’ issues and my dad is clueless and ignorant of mental illness….it\’s still very taboo for him, and I have just recently been in \’recovery\’ from my other issues and presenting publicly a very positive view of myself and what I\’ve been through. Most people have been starting to forget about my \’troubles\’….so it has not been a good time recently….I\’m not anxious about having bi-polar…as I\’ve known really for many years unofficially…I\’m more worried about the implications of it being official and getting doctors involved…from what I\’ve read…the only \’real\’ option for treatment is usually heavy meds…which can make you vomit and don\’t go well with other presription drugs (which I am on anyway)….I\’d rather have more holistic treatment and talking therapies…also…many jobs are very discriminatory about more serious mental ill-health such as bipolar…especially the high competition jobs I am aiming for after uni. It\’s bad enough with my chequered past (educationally and illness-wise) but this could potentially ruin everything for me. I\’m probably being over-dramatic…due to my worry and my current Man-flu which is making me feel like shit anyway…but I\’m dreading tomorrow!

Why is it that whenever you think you have everything sorted and in it\’s rightful place…everything gets turned upside down and inside out! ;-(

Rx