I feel so overwhelmed and lost. I keep misplacing things. It's so frustrating. My husband jumps to conclusions that it is my son that is taking stuff. It hurts my feelings and he knows it. He has a bad habit of speaking without a filter. God forbid I speak my mind, then I'm just a bitch.
I'm working too much, trying to take care of everything and then of course… there's Christmas. The shopping, the choices, the lines, the people… what do the in laws want, what do they need? Do they even care?? I hate crowds, can't stand to be around a lot of people. I try to help everyone, and get nothing in return. I don't expect much, but a "thanks" once in a while would be nice. My mood swings are getting worse. I' snapping at people that don't deserve it and allowing others that do, walk all over me.
I feel like I need to commit myself, again. A short break from reality. But there's the stigma that goes along with that. No matter how much I explain depression to some people (family), they don't get it. It's a "cop out" is the response I get. Really Mom/Dad? Ummmm, feck off then eh? Maybe why I moved 2000 miles away.
Backstabbers, backbiters…… they can feck off as well. I have a work party tomorrow night…. I'm in no mood to be around people, but I will get a bunch of shit if I don't go….. what to do??
I am now just babbling…. but it helps to clear my mind. Maybe if I babble enough, I will clear my mind enough to remember what I did with all the fecking gift cards I bought for Christmas!!
Well, I sit here parched…. thanks honey, for emptying the fridge of all hydrating substances while I've been pulling double shifts at the hospital for the past 4 days… Really? A case of beer, 2 cases of diet soda, all the juice?
Oh, and yes dear, I did get all your receipts in order for your reimbursement from the company. What's that? You HAD to go to the bar to see your brothers and Dad while I was working? And now you are back on the east coast working, leaving a tornado of a mess for me to pick up after you~ DUMBASS!
Phew!! That felt good. I didn't say it to him, but I got it off my chest.. No harm, no foul. Shaweeeet! Welp, thanks fro reading my ranting folks. I feel much better!
Feel free to respond, or not~ LOL
LaLuna
PS, WhatEv on the spelling eh?
I hear you on Christmas, and fortunately I don't have much to do except mail some gifts back east to my relatives… but it still stresses me out. I would like not to be bothered by a holiday when I can barely get through a normal day. I hate the holidays they just amplify the fact that I am lonely and depressed and anxious. Ha, my mom was decorating cookies today when I was telling her about my breakdown last night. Festive!
And, there is a dinner with my parents on Sat which I am not looking forward to but it will break their hearts if I don't go. Don't ya just hate when people expect you to go to stuff like your party at work, ugh, I am in no mood for holiday stuff.
Oh and my dad is coming home tomorrow from a long trip. AHHH drives me crazy and he and my mom argue and yap back and forth, no silence or relaxation.
Ranting is good, I know how ya feel.