Being depressed is bad enough, but having crap happen at work makes u feel even worse. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down, u know how u feel happy n settled about things despite everything not being really great but its managable. Well that wat has happened to me, get told that u r moving units but then other factors seem to come into play like we are worried about ur health, ur mood swings. Wat mood swings, pile of bollocks none of how I felt has ever affected how I worked. Also the DSH which I had done during this period was hidden well in place no one could see. Also was being managed, and past few weeks in comparison to how I could have reacted to the situation, for example my stupid irrational thoughts and the horrendous urges I get I've gotten by.
But now I find out that despite arranging a meeting which was meant to discuss whether I would be returning to my unit where actually enjoyed my job the work I did and had the support networks. This plan has been scuppered and I've been told that instead not even by the ppl that shud have told me that I'm staying permanently. Ever since this point I have felt crap and thought what is the point in going to work, what is the point in even saying anything against what has been done to me, Because if I break down in tears instead of show my anger ppl will interpret that I need a break or that i am not fit work. Or that I do have mood swings well get lost ppl. The way I have felt has been shit in the past few weeks I have felt constantly low, tearful at risk of DSH and other disturbing ideas. Not wanting to get out of bed go to work or even see ppl.
I dont no how to fix things to make me happy, I have tried applying for new jobs but we all no that doesnt happen overnight. Ppl have sed if its that bad I should quit or go off sick. But I dont see y I shud give ppl the satisfaction. As I was happy in my job until some person came along and turned my world upside down and every argument I have for it is well somebody needed to move. Despite I've worked on unit for two years, got most experience and actually enjoyed being there in comparison to other ppl that moan constantly about the way its ran.
I so just wanna curl up in a ball and cry and not face any of this. Or if I do have to face it have a bloody good argument of how to try and get things to change. I feel victimised to some degree for having personal difficulties which still neva effected my work ethic or enjoyment of the job.
WHAT CAN I DO??? I HATE EVERYTHING ATM. Dont no how much more I can dump on my boyfriend either as he hates seeing me this unhappy. Which is killing me knowing that how I feel is now affecting him and in turn us.
I may not be able to offer much advice as to what you can do, except to say that in the past few years I have found myself in much the same situation, and eventually things have started to work out. Depression should be something that we can discuss at work, and that our employers should support us with, but it seems that opening up is often more of a hinderance than a help. From my experience I can only suggest being honest with yourself and making sure that you put yourself ahead of your work.
It took me a long time to admit that what others said about my "mood swings" was not entirely inaccurate. Yes they made more of an issue of it than they should, and yes they didn't bother to ask why I sometimes lashed out, but the fact that I did meant that I had to do something about it. If you can; take some holiday time. You're entitled to it, and it's a good way of getting space without going on the sick. Getting a new job may help, but running away can start a very dangerous downward spiral. Unfortunately the grass is rarely greener on the other side, so if you do move on, make sure it's for the right reason. Saying that you don't want to dump on your boyfriend makes me think that you need to find someone neutral to talk to about your concerns. Someone outside of your home and work lives who can be objective. Until I did it I was very sceptical about counselling, but I was referred to a fantastic counsellor who really helped me to turn things around.
I hope that some part of my ramblings may give you comfort.