So I am a college student living at home until the pandemic dies down and I am able to find a place near my college in Northern California. My parents are really hard people to live with and I don’t have a good relationship with them. However they pay for most stuff in my life and being 19 I am unable to make stable income. I want to live with my bf next year off campus but I am not sure how to bring it up… I work almost full time while going to school so I can make money but not enough to make rent on my own means. I also love my bf very much and he is really supportive and it would help me transition into living on my own. Unfortunately my parents are really controlling and have a huge impact on my life and decisions in general. I have a lot of issues with them, and I think they are the main source of MOST of my anxiety. I am terrified to bring up wanting to move in with my bf next year, because I get really anxious when they yell at me and it is something I know they will go against. This makes it hard for me to feel like I can tell them anything, and it doesn’t help a couple years ago they raided my room and went through my phone saying I was making stuff up for guys attention. If anyone had any ideas on how to bring it up to my parents in the least conflictive way that would be greatly appreciated <3
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Hi hi. I’m familiar with the feeling you are having 🙂 I want to give you good advice, but i don’t have anything easy to suggest. it sounds like your parents aren’t too open-minded about your independence. Since they are paying for a lot, they think that entitles them to make the rules. It’s a valid point of view, but not a helpful one, as you know. Regardless of whether they are right or wrong about that, though, they do have a lot of power over you because of this. I think your best bet is to have savings and a concrete plan to show them before you broach the subject. If i’m reading the situation right, if you come to them without this, they will dismiss it as a pipe dream or something. you need to show them that you are capable of doing this (more or less) without them, but that you would still love their support and input. Having the support of your bf is great, but don’t let them think that he’s going to support you instead of them. Remember that a lot of their control issues probably come from a place of insecurity. They are afraid for themselves and you, so they try to control as much of the situation as possible. I think i’ve started rambling a bit, so i’m going to stop. i hope something here was helpful. Good luck 🙂
I agree with Gravel, having a plan so you know how to answer their questions and doubts will help show you’ve really thought this through – hopefully that will ward off the negativity and doubts! Everyone leaves home at some point and it can be just as scary for the parents as the kids. Their reactions aren’t your responsibility, as much as they can affect you anyways. Best of luck and I hope you know you’re stronger & more capable than they think you are!