It’s been a few days since my last blog, mostly as I wasn’t feeling up to doing anything, let alone coming online and typing up a heap of garbage. I have so far managed to get though this bad spot.. I don’t know how long for though. One day at a time I guess. I have been spending my days watching episodes of NCIS.. i’m up to season 3.. another 2 to go. At least its something..
I went to another appointment with CRS, I came clean with them and told them that I honestly don’t think im ready to go back to work yet. They took it well. I told them the reasons, mostly fear and self confidence with a whole heap of other things. We came to somewhat an agreement that maybe doing some volunteer work might be a good idea. I’m open to that. At least i’ll know that if i mess up, i’m not getting paid for it so its not so bad for the employer. I’ve been thinking about it some more and i think it would be quite a rewarding thing to do. I’ve always wanted to do volunteer work, so this is a pathway to it. I’ll also be able to try out some new things.. maybe jobs that I have never thought about doing.. things like that. A job with the "Make a Wish" foundation or "starlight" foundation would be really awesome. Maybe I’ll be able to make a difference in someone elses life… maybe even a positive one.
Maybe if i’m doing something productive, i might feel a little better about myself. I don’t know.. maybe its just hope.
I got a letter from the psychatrist.. i finally have an appointment with them.. on the 30th OF NOVEMBER… thats like a lifetime away… I could be DEAD by then.. who knows?!