woah! i havnt written in a longggggg time!

update would be this:

i was hospitalized for cutting and depression and suicide thought and attempt. i am much much happier with the help i got. theripists can help when you vent all ur thoughts to them. the thing is- my depression was based on the drama i got and when i decided to have sex with like random people. not good. Teasing boys only makes them angry apparently. my self esteem still sucks and my depression comes back, but the suicide and cutting is gone. I have to admit i cut once or twice after the hospital, but then i relized its not worth hurting myself off of what my friends and sex buddies putting me through. Not so great memories. Now i have much better friends and im happy. My family life is awesome, and my friend and boy lifes pretty good too. you just have to learn to love yourself- because your worth it! 

although- i still need to vent

okay so im 16 and i was dating like a guy 2 years older than me. only for like 2 weeks but he was amazing and sweet, but when i relized dating scard me i dumped him and he screamed at me and all that fun stuff. Now im trying to work things out so we can be friends at least, and me and him have been arguing about this whole thing- and its bothering me, cause i dont know what to do. hes already back with his ex girlfriend- so why does it matter why cant we be FRIENDS. its bothering meee!!! also im IN LOVE with another guy and ive been in love with him for 3 years- and were best friends and he doesnt know but i wanna be with him SO much. he doesnt understand what i do for him. 

anyway that sucks but if anybody wants to put any advise down- that would be helpful. 

hope you all are having a good day- and if not SMILE ANYWAY! even if you dont want to. or put on happy music- music helps the soul in ways i cant describe. 

AND SCHOOL ENDS SOON SO YAY!!!!!

much love!