How could it be anything else. K has disappeared again. I guess he decided when he lied to me on Thursday night that he doesnt' want to see me anymore. He could have been more honest, but maybe that would have hurt worse than him lying about getting sick. I don't think he thought it through though. If he had, he would realize that I'm wondering why he's stopped texting me. If he was just sick for a day or two, he would have texted me by now. It mades me SOOO fucking mad that he takes me for such a stupid fool. He was always shitty liar. Always.

Yesterday my parents had company over and it was 95 degrees so I invited MC over to use the pool. I don't really like MC at all, he is a pervert and only after one thing, but it was better than going swimming by myself. I just couldn't face a day alone.

Then at 9pm Auntie E called to say that Uncle R had died. It was sad eventhough we were expecting it. Another relative I will never see again. I never travel anymore, and that's my fault, or I could blame my illness, but I use that for enough excuses.

I am trying to let this thing with K go. But again, doesn't he realize how stupid it is for him to just disappear after his so-called "illness". Sick because of something he ate in under and hour now he wants nothing to do with me. He must think I'm a reaaalllly stupid little bitch!

Everything that remotely reminds me of Ksickens me now. I hate musical theater because of him, I hate the A's baseball team, I hate anything at all that reminds me of him I don't even want to drink vodka, I just want to fucking smack him in the face or kick him in his fat, jiggly gut. His gut as is gross as my fat thighs, but he gets away with not being perfect because he is a man.

I'm trying to decide weather to take my meds now or? I guess I should then I can have a drink later during the closing ceremonies. I can't skip my meds again today.

The only thing I have to look foreward to is dinner. YAY food again. I bought more sweats on Victoria's Secret because they fit me eventhough I'm fat they size their shit pretty generously, as long as I stay away from the sexy clothes which would look disgusting on me.

I don't feel like caring about my looks at ALL right now. I hope I get the energy to go down to the PO and market tomorrow because I need to mail a couple of things and buy some snacks. My parents are going into SF and I will be alone, could have seen K on his day off RIGHT!!! He never wants to see me or even text me again. I fucking hate him, I hate the day I met him and if I had ONE wish it would not even be that I don't have depression, it would be that I NEVER MET K, the biggest fattest asshole I've ever had the pain of loving.


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