Love has hurt me so much in my life. All i want is to have a healthy relationship, but I never can find one. Currently, I am in a relationship where i am being abused physically, emotionally, and verbally by the guy i call my boyfriend. I know i should leave him, and i have done that once, but he said he had changed so i went back with him. Sadly, he did the same shyt again, and this time he leaves bruises. He used to be so charming, so nice, so sweet….I regret ever introducing him to my foster mom because now she adores him, amd alwways asks me how he is doing, did i have fun with him at school, was he doing good in his grades….I just want to scream "I HATE HIM! ALL HE DOES IS MAKE ME FEEL WORTHLESS!" but then she would tell me that I was overreacting. I am so tired of being lied to, manipulated, heartbroken more each and every day, being stabbed and pierced through the heart, being told so many hurtful words… Why do i continue to put up with him? I have been in so many abusive relationships in my life, usually with men around the age of 20-28. I dont understand myself at times because I am PATHETIC. I continue to love him, even after he has treated me like shyt, after all the beatings, and even at lunch when he whispers for me to calm down and to stop being so hyper and to stop hugging my friends. I am not free. I am not worthy of aything anymore. I am nothing. I disgust own self. I am tired of this. I am done. I hate life. I hate myself and i want to die. I am so tired of this shyt. Please…spare me from the misery. I want my next suicide attempt to be my last. Death is waiting for me.