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Anger and egotistic wasn’t ever allowed in my home as a child. I wasn’t even allowed to recognize feelings of anger.Perhaps the anger wasn’t even allowed to develop itself like a seed that isn’t allowed to sprout blossom. The anger was suppressed as not to evolve and stay in potential. I was terrified from anger. Anger was an off limits in my house; to my mother always explained that her biggest nightmare was that she would end up with a husband that had a temper like her older sister fell into a husband with a temper and the way her own mother fell into husband with a temper. She would always praise her mother and speak about her pious, for being able to withstand her father’s anger outbursts. She admire being egoless and selfless behavior. Her sense of self was weak and never developed a full sense of self. Anger became analogous with the devil. Many times as a child I would get angry like all children but I would fear that it would become revealed to my family that I had a temper like my maternal grandfather. My brother Duvi seemed to notice that would at times feel angry and he made it very clear to me that I might be one of those sick people and should prevent that from happening. From then on I learned how to hide and eventually develop an unconscious repression on any seeds of anger. When Freud said repression was the cause for neurosis in my case he was right on the money. My mother would have hysterical outburst of panic and would wean about her feelings as a victim to me as a young child. Rather than expressing her earnest feelings to my father and others in an assertive way, she would vent her feeling to me as a child of age 7. She wouldn’t allow her ego to develop
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