I haven't posted here in a long time. Haven't even logged on in a good long while. I hope everyone is in good spirits today and has had a great holiday season, celebrating whatever it is you celebrate.
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT AHEAD!
The reason I'm writing today is I need some marital/sexual advice. I'm 24 and my wife is 32 . Okay, we're not married yet. But that's only because her divorce isn't final. In March of 2009, we had our son, Nathan. When we were dating, we had sex every day and night. This went on up until she got pregnant with Nathan. Even then, we would fool around. After she had him, though, it was like she was never attracted to me. Now here we are, almost two years later, and we have only have sex once a month, IF THAT. She tells me it's not me and she still is very attracted to me, but I just can't buy it. I try to do subtle romantic things every now and again to spark something, but there's always a reason for her to not want to ("I need a shower", "I need to shave my legs", "Today's just not a good day; maybe tonmorrow.")
Then she tries to turn it around on me. Yesterday, she tells me "Well, I wanted to have sex with you the other day but you were in a bad mood."
I have told her countless times that I am always in the mood for sex with her, especially with it being so scarce. All she has to do is say the word, but she won't.
One of the last times I can remember her wanting to have sex, she was watching a documentary on some third world country. She said "I want to do it tonight, but I want to watch this first."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain an erection when you're spending 20 minutes looking at starving Ethiopians?! I left the room to wait until it went off.
Anyway, it finally goes off and I'm making my way to the bedroom and she hasn't budged. "What are you doing?" I said.
She says "Well you went into the other room so I assumed you didn't wanna do it anymore so now I'm watching this."
"No, I just left until the show went off. I'm ready now."
"Well, I want to watch this now."
Fight erupted after that. I just couldn't believe that she would do that to me. Promise me sex that we rarely haveand prioritize TV over it.
It's funny how you see on tv that men are always the ones who don't want any fire in the relationship, but everything I've seen is the exact opposite. It's the damn twilight zone over here. She won't leave the video games, she watches sports and cartoons while I'm the one who works, goes grocery shopping, cooks, etc. But that's another complaint for another blog.
Is this normal?! Does sex really just come to a screeching halt like this?!
Hi Kupkake,
Happy Holidays!!!
I’m not sure if this will help at all but I’ll tell you my story because I was in a similar situation but I was in your wifes shoes (except for cooking and etc stuff).
Shortly after giving birth to my son (after 6 weeks), my sex drive went from 100% to 5%. I lost interest, desire, I felt fat, I was moody and felt disgusting. It made our relationship AWFUL because we fought all the time and I did the EXACT things you mentioned your wife is doing to you but I believe she isnt doing it intentionally.
This is my story…this may not be hers and I am no doctor. My libido went down after giving birth. I was like that for about two years until one day my hubby came to me and said somethings got to give or he may be forced to stray away. I was hurt by what I had heard but at the same time I knew he has his needs and for crying out loud I’m his wife. I spoke to my gynocologist and she ran some test to make sure my libido was not affected due to any unknown health conditions. After my results came back that I was in good health she recommended some foods that will help stimulate and increase my libido.That was 4 yrs ago and today we have sex on the regular basis.
I do appreciate the fact that you are trying to do things to help set the mood and are trying to get advice, thats very admirable. My husband never did any of that and I think it may have helped our situation get better faster. Perhaps looking online will help also, maybe searching “decreased libido in women” or something of that nature will be informative.
Good luck and I hope things get better 🙂
Thank you. That is very helpful information.