Sounds familiar, coming around to the third time, here, later in life. I still go around and around trying to find a way to make sure it happens in my sleep. I did the meds and so many different kinds, it's not there. I am at a stage where I don't believe meds work and/or if it is really a state of mind. The state of mind as in meaning the enviroment we grow up in, and how much it effects us as we grow up. I understand the chemical imbalance stuff but if they can diagnose it but it doesn't look like things out there are working. (at no suprise) money. I hear the same things from all the people I have talked to so far. I have no friends, and all my options come from my own head and oppinion with no outside imput. The good thing is that now in life I don't really have to believe or trust in someones answer to me, I know how to find out (and the truth). Having a fear of people has come across to me in the last 2 years or so and working on this. And as strong as I feel that everybody is human, we are 85% + water. I fear when I ask, talk, tell a story, or set at a resturant the understandable version comes out and it is only the way the other person preceives it, is the way it will be or were fighting over beliefs.

My GOD

I lie in bed wondering, how things go wrong

To think that I’m stupid is so prolonged,

My guess is God that heals all

I dream of flying high but, my feelings bring me down

A cure is to die for only your self

But the feelings are to strong to stay alive

When depression comes on, my feelings are sad

It seems my life is different than yours when I feel so bad

You must change with life as it gets harder

My sadness is deep and can not be bartered

That devil is in my head telling me I’m sad

I’m thankful that god is with me, to say I’m glad

Steps happen one after another

Although I know depression is another

When it is time to move on you have to say

To awake the next day you must pray