Well, since this is my first blog I guess I'll start by giving a little background. 

I've been depressed since I was in 7th grade. Which means I've been depressed for about 7 years. I wasnt diagnosed until a few months ago. 

About my family: I live with my Grandma, its just me and her. I live with her because my mom and I didnt get along that well a few years ago. My Grandma is 67 and she used to be a nurse.  I love her to death but she has her moments haha. Shes starting to get really forgetful.

My mom is 38 and she recently moved to another town about 15 minutes away with her boyfriend (who I dont like). My mom and I never really got along and she moved out of my grandmas house when I was in middle school and I stayed.  She was never really around when I was little. She was always out partying. Her and I have had our fair share of fist fights but ever since I left for college last year we've gotten a lot closer. We are polar opposites.  We have exact opposite personalities.  Shes loud and outgoing and Im quiet and laid back.  We dont even look alike haha.

My dad really isnt a part of my life. I used to have to go to his house every other weekend when I was little but that stopped when I was a teenager. Since then hes been in and out of jail. He calls every few months. Him and I once went 4 years without speaking to each other, and we lived in the same town. Its been like that for so long it doesnt even phase me anymore.

My aunt, unfortunately, is a huge part of my life.  She runs my life. Everything I do, has to be approved by her first. This is because shes the one with the money. And when I was born, she took it upon herself to make sure I had the best of everything. I really do appeciate that but I never expected to pay so dearly for it. I would say about 75% of the stress in my life is caused by her.  I chose my own college at first, when she wanted me to stay home and go to Pitt, and look where Ive ended up.  I have never bought an article of clothing that she didnt approve of. She even gets to choose my therapists. Shes read every journal Ive tried to keep. There are no secrets with her. Im living my life for my aunt.

My brothers, Andrew and Brock are 17 and 15.  I hardly ever get to see them anymore since their mom got married for the 6th time and moved them to another town.  But I can honestly say that I love those boys more than anyone in the entire world.  They turned out to be two of the coolest people I know and Im so proud of them for everything they've done.

My boyfriend, Mike is 22 and we've been together for almost 5 years, with a few breakups in between.  Once was when I was a freshmen in high school and it only lasted like 4 months and the last time was my freshman year of college and that was a long one. We actually just got back together. Anyways, I love him, obviously.  I would probably love him a lot more if he loved me too. He says he does but I just have this gut feeling that he really doesnt. I have hurt him a lot so I really wouldnt blame him if he didnt but it would still suck. We talked about it before we got back together so I thought things would be different this time around but they're turning out to be the same as before. Mike is safe though, and thats what I need right now.

My ex, Sam is my age, 19.  We met right after Mike and I broke up this last time.  We dated for about a year. He would have been perfect, if it wasnt for the fighting.  Him and I fought constantly.  And I just couldnt stand it anymore. He was just so impatient sometimes and he'd flip out for no reason and it was just bad. But when we were good, we were really good. Ive never felt more loved than when I was in his arms. I dont even feel that way with Mike.  But it was just never gonna work out with the fighting. I really miss him but I keep trying to tell myself that it wasnt meant to be and I have Mike now but for some reason thats not really that comforting…

My best friend, Brandi is also my age.  We started hanging out senior year of high school.  I dont really know what to say about her.  We're close, but not that close, cause thats just how we are. Shes really flighty. When I met her she moved out of her moms and starting living with someone she worked with, which ended up with them hating each other so she moved back to get moms.  Then she claims her mom kicked her out so she moved in with one of our friends, which ended up with them hating each other and the cops getting called a few times, so she ran off to live with her aunt in Mississippi, which lasted a month before she decided she hated it there so she stayed with her brother in ohio for a few weeks, which ended up with her kindasorta boyfriend hating her, so now shes home again but she decided shes getting her own apartment before she goes in the army in 8 months. which im guessing is going to end up with her hating everyone and everything in the army and she'll come running home again. She lies A LOT. She talks shit behind everyones back. Shes really overdramatic. But shes little and cute and thinks she can say and do whatever she wants. Despite all this negative shit shes still my best friend. Though sometimes I think I would be way better off without her.

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