Will my mania came to a end. I am just floating through each day trying to hold it all together. I see my daughte tomorrow. It's coming up to the anniversary of 4 years ago when she was taken off me. It makes me so sad and angry too. I have to keep it togethr though for her sake. I have to be polite to her father despite all the crap he threw at me and Eleanor. I have to keep moving forward in the hope ( ha hope what a stupid word ) that I get to have some more contact with my daughter.I learnt that custody of Eleanor is not going to happen.

You know it's ironic my family say 'don't blame you bipolar on things' yet they are the first to blame my 'mental health ' on the way i brought my daughter up.

I am sat o n the verge of tears now and fighting hard to keep them in. I can't let my emotions go i have to keep it together.

On a brighter note my 'fiance' and I ( i always call him my husband though ) are getting married on 14th September 2015. It will be only a small registry office wedding with two wittnesses. No fancy dress or cake or honey moon. This will all happen in around 3-5 years when we have saved up to get a blessing done. We just want to be married. We want it all legal. I have his surname have done since my second divorce.

We met 14 years ago at the age of 11 years old in High school. We worked together for my 'dad' ( although he is no longer my 'dad' a long story ) he would walk me to school. He liked me in school I liked him too but both too shy. The we met in 2008 i left my first husband for him. I got pregnant lost the twins ( the first one on 9th august 7 years ago , the second two weeks later ). So this is another reason for the sadness.

We met up again in 2012 after he went back to his wife but i had remarried but it was a loveless marraige and I wasn't happy. So I left him got divorced and got with Paul. My soulmate my MooBooLoo. 😀