I feel ready to quit everything.

I'm not suicidal. The last time I tried to express this feeling to my mother, she started talking about how "Jehovah didn't give us life so we could end it". This frustrated me because 1) I hate when she turns my need for motherly advice into a g/d bible study, 2) Who the hell said I wanted to kill myself??? and 3) If I did want to kill myself, wondering what my mother's idea of God would think wouldn't be enough to sway me.

I just want to QUIT all of this. I want to quit everything that's dragging my life down and go LIVE. And the more I find myself surrounded by people who don't comprehend why I'm starting to lose my frigging mind over the way my life is no longer a life, but a mere biological function, the more I just want to walk away from it all.

I'm not a fucking child–I know people have to work. Why does DH keep informing me of the importance of a paycheck every time I try to tell him I'm dying a little every day?

I'll say: "I feel horrible all the time. I think I'm exhausted and emotionally drained."

Mr. Practicality will say: "Well, we need the money."

It never occurs to him that a simple "Hang in there. Something better will come up" might help me pull through another week.

Sometimes I really wish I'd never gotten married. I should have put my blinders on during college, stayed my original course, and never allowed myself to get sidetracked from my carreer goals. But here I am–for better or worse–with a guy who never wants to move out of the midwest or have kids or do anything exciting in life because X, Y, or Z might happen.

I'll never stop striving for more out of life. This doesn't mean that I can't be happy with what I have, but why should it stop here? Why not more?

I feel like my soul is shriveling up and I'm pissed at myself for ending up right where I never wanted to be.

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 9 years ago

    Sounds like you need support, not preaching. I hate it when I am misunderstood. Maybe you could try telling your spouse how you are feeling. Make him listen.

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