Ever wish you could turn back time and change something? Or try to understand the person that claims to love you most, who shares your blood, and turns on you every chance they get? When you've tried your HARDEST to protect them, and yet, you still do things wrong, and it's your fault they feel unloved.

You try to protect them…and yet they don't know all you've done, and the LENGTHS you've gone to do so. How many times you cried because you couldn't put the invisible shield up to keep them out of danger…

Yet, jealousy sears through you at the same time, when your eyes cast your confused gaze towards them. They get the attention you crave, and you stand by and watch as they steal your friends and achieve so much more than you ever have or will. It kills you.

It kills you to know, that you could possibly not love them as much as you know you do, because the disease sinks in. Perhaps you're as bad a person as they say you are, as they sang those songs to you. All your actions during the day to prevent the falling of your mind, have failed because of your tiny action… Every time you did something to prevent people from hating you, was lost. Maybe it's not the disease that destroys your life…

Maybe it is truly you. Maybe you're just lying to yourself.

Most of all, you want to say sorry though. For every wrong you did today, and scream sorry to make it believable for the very one that now has a mantra of hate against you – for you…and it leads you to believe they're right – you're fake.

As much as you ran from the fear of transformation, here it is in your face.

There they are messing things up to plant the seed in your head to fix things. Pens askew on the desk, and yet you can't STOP and breathe, because they make you believe you're what your mind tells you you are. So you have to fix it, to be perfect alignment.

They laugh. They find it hilarious when you fall to your knees because of your disease. Yet, the one you trust most is slipping away and time is running short, and you may not be enough this time.

But you are sorry for what you did this ONE night, and what you can not be.

 

 

 

 

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