This blog has some explicit language and topics in it which may be upsetting to some people, Please do not read if you are under 18 or if you feel that these topics may upset you. Thanks.
I am really upset over something that is relatively stupid, I know that it should not bother me but it does. I am not so much sad or depressed as I am angry and once again I feel these horrible feelings coming into play where I really want to do something cruel to someone. I don’t mean like petty cruel stuff like spamming their website or sending them nasty e-mails. Let’s put it this way, if this woman were in front of me right now, I might run her over with my car then back over her a few times for good measure. She used to be a good friend of mine, or so I thought, but now I know that she was just scamming me. Playing me for a fool and laughing about it behind my back to everyone else. This was made abundantly clear the other day by some of the things she said, which by the way, were so off base I really honestly think that she has lost her mind. I went to an old chat site that I pop in and out of from time to time just to talk to some people there that I am still friends with. I don’t go into this woman’s room anymore; I don’t talk to her or about her and basically have just tried to ignore the fact that she is still alive. Well, she got wind that I was online the other day and since she can’t contact me any other way but through chat since I blocked her at every corner, she decided to come into the chat room I was in and as she and her BF put it “Called me out”. This was ridiculous, I haven’t spoken to her in over a month, and she needs to let it go already. I even told her that, seriously, I told her that I don’t go in her room, I basically leave her alone so why was she here talking to me now? If she didn’t like the fact that I was in the room then put me on ignore but why sit there and say things to try and get me upset. It was as if she were tempting a fight. I basically just ignored her for a while. She sat there and kept saying how I was a liar and a back stabber and I scam people and use people. I told her, as calmly as I could, that I have no idea what she is even talking about, that she never explained to me what she was told about me, what she thinks I am lying about, where this person got their information or anything. I told her that I can’t really defend myself if I don’t know what was going on and why she suddenly went from being my best friend to hating my guts. I do know that she was told that I was going in under different screen names and trying to break her and her bf up which is BS. I could care less about her and her bf, I don’t want to be with either of them, never did and never will so why she thinks I would do this I have no idea. The thing is, everything I have heard have been from other people, she never actually told me what it was that made her so angry that she just bans me from her room and turned so hateful and cold hearted. Seriously, even when she suddenly turned on me I never went after her, I never bad mouthed her; I just shrugged it off and walked away. Granted by this time I was ready to walk away anyway. I got sick of her negativity, her constant sexual talk, posting sexually graphic pictures on facebook. I was sick of her being so hateful and devious. She accuses me of lying and she is the one that lies and cheats and does horrible things. Her so called bff and her got into a fight and using irc this woman high jacked her friend’s chat room, changed her passwords, cloned her screen name and then went into various rooms under that screen name and eventually got her banned with her behavior. When I called her out on that she claimed that I was lying and that she would never do that, that she doesn’t even know how to use IRC and then…THEN…she tried to accuse ME of doing it and not her!!!!!
I was totally floored when I heard this, I was like really, wtf? You are honestly trying to accuse me of doing that? She was like yeah, you’re the hacker. I laughed at that. Hacker? I am lucky that I know how to sign online at all. I am no hacker you can rest assured of that. I have issues putting in the chat commands just to drop my host status lol. I have to write all the codes down or I forget them and I am constantly asking people how to do this or that. She must be out of her mind to try and get me to take the fall for the crap that she has done. She was the one that told me about the site that changes your IP number so that I could bring in clones into the chat room and boost the room numbers. I never would have figured that out on my own.
This crap wasn’t the worst of it though. She actually accused me of being a welfare case, and told everyone in the chat room that the only reason I was there was because I was broke again and I was trying to scam someone else out of money like I did to her. I was like ummm…what money was I trying to scam out of you? I am not a welfare case, my daughter is on disability and my partner Gavin and I both have jobs. As I recall it, she was the one who was complaining about financial problems. Her bf could not hold down a job and he had eaten through their savings in a few months. She was scared she was going to get evicted. I even offered to send her the rent money and told her she could pay it back when she was able but she told me no that they would find a way to pay the rent. So, no money was asked for or exchanged on either part. To make matters worse, her bf came into the room and started telling people that I was a lying sack of shit, and that I was a user and I enjoyed playing with people’s feelings and playing games with people who care about me. Then, and this pissed me off, he said in the main room in front of like 30 chatters that I was a child molester and the only good thing about me was that I had tried to commit suicide once, it was just a shame that I never succeeded. He said that if he had the money he would come here to my house and put a bullet between my eyes.
I didn’t even argue with them at this point, I was convinced that they both had gone off the deep end and were completely out of their minds. I don’t know if they came up with this crap on their own or if they were told this stuff by someone else. That’s the whole problem with this situation, I have no idea what is going on!!! This ex friend of mine never came to me and said hey I heard this or that or hey I am upset about this or anything. I guess at one point I wanted an explanation, I wanted closure. I confronted her and all I got was “I know the truth about you; I finally opened my eyes and started believing what everyone said about you all along.” She never did tell me “everyone” was but I have an idea of who was telling her all of this crap. She also kept insisting that her main reason was getting upset with me was because of what my teenage son told her about me. That I wigged out on him and told him that I was going to put him in foster care. I even admitted to her that I had gotten angry and said to him, well if you think I am such a bad father then maybe you would be better off in foster care. I admitted to her all the bad things about me, my depression, my suicide attempts, bad things I have done in my past. If I was going to lie about stuff wouldn’t I make up good lies? Why lie about using drugs and cheating on a lover and stuff like that? She knew my deepest darkest secrets and still she accuses me of lying to her. So, the truth is lost somewhere but it’s not on my end. The real reason that she turned on me is still a mystery because I can’t believe it was over what a 14 yr old boy told her. She has teenagers; she should know what it’s like. I give up and frankly I don’t care anymore. She has some serious controlling issues and psychological disorders and quite frankly, I have been better since I did stop talking to her, despite this latest episode. Admittedly I did go into that chat room hoping to talk to her because like I said, I wanted to hear the truth about why she was angry. I didn’t seek her out though; I let her come to me. I just didn’t expect her to be so brash and cold in pubic and try and smear my character in front of the entire site. That was just childish and uncalled for. But like I said, I’m not upset because I am sad or hurt, I’m just angry. I didn’t bother trying to defend any of this stuff she was saying about me because I really don’t care what she thinks anymore. I just wanted to know what was said and who said it. As far as her as my friend, yeah that ship has sailed and sunk along with the titanic. She can rot in hell for all I care, if I ever saw her in public, I’d probably spit in her face then walk away without saying a damn word.