Tonight was a hard night.
Can't remember the last time I cried all night.
That feeling came back again.
You know where I feel stuck under water
And can't come up to breath.
And all I wanna do is
Scream at the top of my mind!
I have nothing to look forward too
Just lemme die
I hate being stuck this way
Don't be mad god
You and I both tried
But who wants to live feeling this way inside!?
Not me, not I
I wanna go off on everybody about everything that I hide
Just so I can get some kinda relief inside.
And when I wake up I have to remind myself last night wasn't a dream.
In fact… Its reality.. And exactly what it seems .
When I drag my body outta bed n i look in the bathrrom mirror I look dead.
My face is all puffy and red.
My mind is racing.
Eyes low and glossy.
But I still find the strength to apply eyeliner and masscara. So no
one can tell.
Throw on my favorite jeans and my abercrombie T
Not caring if I match or not.
Cuz I woke up the time I was supposed to leave
Which I know… "isn't  really smart".
So I pack my shyt
Grab my ciggz
Cuz I'm thinkin. This shitty ass day and fucked up mood should be
rewarded with one or two of em'. But not before I get on the train.
Cuz its not that far away and I probably won't finish 1, and I
wouldn't want it to go to waste.
So I speed walk to the D and get on the train. Only to sleep my whole
way to 42nd street. And walk all way to the end of that fuckin tunnel
to find out
"there is no 7 train". Now I'm like "what da fuck!?"
To myself not out loud. At this time now its 10:20 there was nooo way
I was gunna make it to queens in 10 minutes. And even if I did it
would take me another 10 minutes just to walk my ass all the way to
the C building where my sociology class is. So this is great! Just
when I have the intentions of actually goin to class I can't get
there. Whatever… One more thing to stress me out I guess. Even
though I'm kinda pissed. I'm also kinda relieved cuz I was not in the
mood to do anything today. So I turn right back around n get right
back on the D to go uptown and I sit by myself in one of those ugly
orange seats. And put my feet up on the yellow seat across from me.
Cuz no one else is on the train. Luckily this gives me time to finish
what I started last night. N now I'm here. I'm kinda disappointed I
didn't get the chance to smoke cuz now I'm on my way uptown and
daddy's home. So there goes my chance. But it's not a big deal. As
long as I get some breakfat and juice and go back upstairs and watch
half an hour worth of the news, crawl back under the covers with the
likliness to easily fall asleep. Hoping that I have absolutely no type
of dreams. Just a clear mind. No heavy thoughts this morning. Just me
and my pillow which i'd kill for. But first I'm in desprate need of
popin this advil.