In August of 1994, I was 19, I was trying to figure iut the best way to end my life. Earlier I had taken a handful of LSD, had the craziest trip of my life. The next day I was practically incoherent. Days past and I didn’t get much better. I could barely talk or think straight, I would hear people say things that they didn’t say. My friends would say ” so, when you gonna kill yourself , I thought that you were going to” of course no one said any such thing. I couldn’t sleep or eat or do anything, I just wanted to die. One day I got as many sleeping pills as I could get, I went around &stole them from stores. I got some liquor, took all the pills(about 12 packs) & lay down to die. I felt like & dreamed that there were spiders all over my body, wrapping me in webs. I woke up just a few hours later, just feeling the same. I was hopeless. I got in my car & left to go somewhere to die. I thought of different ways to do it; drive off a bridge, set the car on fire, drive off a mountain. I was actually driving through Tennessee and was going over Blood Mountain, couldn’t find a good place to drive off & really make it stick. I finally ended up in some town with a police station on one side of the street and a Comfort Inn on the other. Do I go and tell the cops I am out of my mind and need help, or do I get a room and figure it out from there. I spent the last of my money on a room. From there I tried to sli8t my wrists with a broken mirror, couldn’t do it. it wouldn’t break the skin. I filled the tub & got in to drown myself , I was desperate. I went & got the bible out of the drawer & flipped it open. It was gibberish. I threw it aside & turned on the TV. There on the news was the story that a sacred white buffalo had been born & it was an important legend in Native American culture. It was a symbol of hope for the people.
Hope. Just what I need. Just enough to bring me to my senses and realize that hope was possible. The buffalo was named Miracle, it was August 20th 1994 & she saved my life that day.
