In some ways I feel that I am doing better.In some ways I wonder if I am headed in the wrong direction.
I am finding that its possible to, if not approve of myself… at least not feel negative towards myself. Where there used to be thoughts that were quite negative towards myself or thoughts second guessing things that I have already done…now there are usually neutral and sometimes even positive thoughts.Something I have discovered though, the more isolated I am, the less people I allow to talk/interact with me… the easier it is to like myself and approve of myself.Why is that? I’m not entirely sure.Am I always choosing the wrong people to be around?Or is it more that being around anyone is draining?Perhaps something else that I am missing?There are people here who don’t have this affect on me.Is that because they don’t yet know me well?Is that because I still haven’t been able to knock walls down all the way with them yet?LoL I am full of unanswered questions it seems and have no one to ask lol.
So, do I continue as I am…stay away from the people from my past that seem to affect my self esteem negatively and proceed extremely cautiously and slowly with moving on? Or is that the wrong thing?This is a war inside me that I cant seem to resolve.Most days I believe the isolating is better for me than it is harmful.Its just those few other days when I doubt that still concern me a bit.I just want to do what is good for me.To do what I can to help myself get stronger, feel better, actually live instead of struggle and survive only.
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