Don't know what is going on with me at the moment. Very teary again. Not doing anything. Still in PJ's and don't care really. I went to see my counsellor and cried the whole time. Didn't really fix anything as I still feel like this.

My little dog is having fits and that worries me but the vet said she is ok and she does come straight back to her normal nutty self straight away. I tried to fix a broken fence paling behind a tree in my yard and when I came out from behind it she barked and carried on as though I was a stranger, then she all of a sudden realized it was me and just about jumped straight into my arms.

My house is getting messier by the day and Im sitting here worrying about it but not gettin up and fixing it. I could just sleep all day and night Im not interested in anything. I am worried about me. I don't want to go back to the mess I was and I can see myself going backwards,.how do I stop myself? Cant talk to anyone. No one understands they just pay lip service. You know "It'll pass" etc.

Feel so alone. My great friends cant be bothered to meet up with me but I found out one is going interstate for a girls weekend. and the other is having days off and staying home complaining of being bored, but not picking up the phone for a chat. It always feels to me that Judy calls to tell me that her bottled water is being delivered the next day (to my house) or when she wants me to drive her somewhere that she is too scared to drive alone. Kat only seems to be a friend when I'm paying or I'm the one who instigates anything. and Margie feels its just too hard to make an effort. even when Isay I will drive the five hours to see her she magically has to go out of town on those days. I am so sick of being pushed aside. My deceased sister used to do that. I was only good enough to be around when there was nothing else interesting going on.

I would love to know what I have done so badly either now or in another life to be such a pain or ordeal to see. Then I find out people think I am gay because I dont have a male hanging around. Hell I dont have any friends (here) of either gender.

Just as well that my dog likes me.


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