I’m leaving in three weeks to go and see my Mother who lives in the L.A. area. She is living in a cute little house behind my oldest sister, who takes care of her. She is dying. She is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s, has inoperable lung cancer, and is in chronic pain from a bad hip joint. She still gets around and is not bed ridden. She carries on non-sensicle conversations. I’ll ask her, "How’s the weather?" she’ll answer, "It’s wicky, wicky, I don’t know what those guys are doing." She has this obese dog, it’s so overweight and can barely walk, that’s because she feeds it (with a fork or spoon) all the time. She makes her bowls of Cheerios with sugar and bananas, tries to give her food that is meant for her and so on. Her house is clean but is permiated with dog smell and she is now picking up the dog poop in the yard with her bare hands! I have OCD along with severe anxiety/depression that I do not seek treatment for. It’s a catch 22 for me, I need the help, but cannot seem to commit to make the much needed appointments. I get anxiety attacks and can’t even call to make or cancel appoinments (so I don’t even try). I feel safe with my GP, he is an ARNP. When I saw him last week I explained my problem and that I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle this trip. I asked him to prescribe me a VERY LARGE bottle of sedatives so I can cope. He agreed. I explained to him what my days there will look and feel like. That I will lovingly wash my Mothers hands that are covered in dog feces, endure the odor in her home while I’m there and hide my pain to make it through the days but when night comes…and no one is around to see…I will absolutely fall apart! That has been my experience, when I go to see my dying Mother.