| 3 People in a Airplane |
| Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!" |
| Catching the Blonde |
| This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone’s weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He’s standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying
"If you catch me, I’m yours." He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he’s running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg. He’s back on the street and starts to think. "Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time…" So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg." "No problem," says the manager. Again he strips, and is led to the large gym. This time he’s standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a gorilla with a sign "If I catch you, you’re mine." |
| One Blonde To Another |
| A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another." |
| Blonde Logic |
| January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels….."duh"…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!! March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said "2-4 years!" April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!! May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!! June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope. July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top was down. September – The capital of California is "C"…..isn’t it??? October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel. November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December – Couldn’t call 911….."duh"…..there’s no "eleven" button on the phone!!! What a year!! |
This next one struck me, cuz there was a day in chat where this came up…
| Ventriloquist |
| A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee." |
| Blonde Guy |
| A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What’s up?" he says. "I’m having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!!! |
I love blonde jokes. Thanks for posting!
Signed, a blonde Patty
I plan to post more when I have a little more time… So keep an eye out!