so i have a social anxiety disorder. when i first discovered it, i was in my photography class at my highschool junior year when i was the example for our studio shots. i was up in front of the whole class getting my picture taken when i had a panic attack. it's been 7 months since then and i still struggle with anxiety today. the thing that bothers me the most is before the first panic attack, i was very outgoing and excited about life. when i discovered i had social anxiety i thought it automatically gave me the labels shy and a loser. therefore, i've never confided in anybody, not even my best friend. i'm too scared of being judged. the only people that know are my mom and my guidance counselor only because i had to tell them in order to get medication.
what frustrates me the most is that i haven't truly acted like myself in over 7 months. i used to be a crazy daredevil that acted out in class and could give a speech without getting nervous at all. now i get nervous about every single little thing and i hate it. it's my senior year of highschool and i just want to be able to live my life. luckily i try not to let my anxiety get to me so i still go out almost everyday with friends and i have tons and tons of really good friends. i just feel like i've started to grow apart from them and it's really hit me hard. i just wish i could go back to the way i was before i had my first panic attack.
now the way i explain my anxiety, it doesn't sound bad at all. but it truly is hell. i think i'm still scared of getting judged even on this website. but it's my first day so i hope to open up more as the days go on!