I will be 30 next year..and If my life doesn't change..then I will have to put myself away..So many people I know already have careers and they have kids..Some are married..I don't want kids..but I do want to get married someday..In fact I thought I was going to be getting married eventually..but I guess it wasn't meant to be…Someone please tell me…What do you do when you are victimized twice in your life…How are you supposed to feel about yourself?  I can't even believe that I'm mentioning this..but I was drugged twice in my life by a boyfriend..The first time was by my first love….The second time was this year by a recent boyfriend..I can't begin to tell you how I feel a bout all this..but the person told me on Valentine's Day that they drugged me..it was my boyfriend of four years…I didn't seek counseling for it…I am in the process of finding a new counselor…I feel like a target…At this moment I get nauseous when I think of love..I feel honestly that love is for everyone else..for some reason men want to hurt me very badly…Do you know how it feels like to think that someone has to be high to be with you or they want to drug you because they feel bad for you and pretend to love you…? I will never trust again…This person that I trusted my heart to completely betrayed my trust…I feel like I have a sign on my back that says "she's worthless"…I try to pray to God and I cry to God and I wonder what the hell is God doing up there…I feel so much that God has given up on me…I feel worthless right now..and I don't think that it will ever get better..Some of you may not know..but I have Scoliosis..and for some reason men sometimes think that because a female has a disability that she is stupid and/or easy…I am not a stupid female..and I damn sure am not easy…All I ever wanted was to be happy..Why does everyday have to be a struggle..Sometimes I can't get out of bed because I will be too depressed…My life is going nowhere..and I don't know what to do anymore…I have no college degree..and barely any job experience..and I would like to work from home ..but most of those "work from home" things are scams..I want to feel useful in my life..I might have a curve in my spine..but I can think and I can make decisions for myself…I sometimes feel like I'm a waste of space….So many people I know are so lucky..Its like I walk around with a black cloud over my head everyday all day..All my friends are way ahead of me in their lives..I just don't know when I will ever catch up

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