First off, I just want to say that it takes a lot of guts to spill your emotions on here. I am proud that you did even though it\'s hard. I have dealt with anxiety all my life, and I am 26 now. When I was your age, I hid my anxiety because a lot of my friends didn\'t understand what I was going through. Well, I still hide it from time to time from others who don\'t understand, and sometimes it bugs me because I wish people would not look at me as some freak. I know I am not crazy, but sometimes I wish my anxiety would end. I get sick and tired of living the way I do. It\'s like a dark cloud over my head everyday. Sometimes, it\'s hard to get out of bed.

But, you just have to keep moving on. Life is so beautiful. Even when we have panic and anxiety. I just want to let you know that I am very much here for you whenever you need to talk. You are a very strong young woman. I ask God all the time, \”Why am I dealt with this?\” And he never answers. Maybe it\'s a test to make us stronger. Hopefully one of these days, we can live \”normal\” lives.

I had a phobia where I was scared to eat, afraid that I was going to choke. For a long time when I was 13 till 18, I was afraid to swallow my own spit wrong. It was horrible. I never told anyone at that time, because I knew people wouldn\'t understand. I told my mom one time, and she just said, \”oh Katy, it\'s all in your head.\” Well, that comment always pissed me off. I can\'t stand people saying that. Sometimes it makes me mad when people try to comfort. One day though, I just yelled at the top of my lungs, \”Stop it!!\” and it stopped. I am able to eat and swallow perfectly fine. I am not sure why I had that for those years.. but I am thankful that I was able to stop that on my own.

Usually what I do, is keep journals by my bed and write down everything that I feel that day, no matter if it\'s good or bad. That helps me.

One thing for sure, is you\'re not alone. And I hope this gives you some comfort that you have a lot of supportive people here.