Date: Friday, 19th August 2016
Ok so… I’m not usually one to write in diaries or journals or blogs or anything like that… I’m not going to have a fluffy pink gel pen and blather on about how hot the guys at my school are… I just need to talk about some things, these things are dark, they are depressing and I will be talking about my innermost fears, insecurities and my sexuality.
I should probably start from today. When I arrived at school felt like a rabbit walking into a wolfs den, everyone’s eyes pierced my soul and I wanted to run as far and as fast as I could (which isn’t very fast)… I’ve always found school terrifying. Ive always thought that as soon as I went to talk to one of the “others” they would eat me whole or even worse… bully me. But when im with my friends none of that matters, I can finally be myself and I can never do that, not at home. I feel truly free and I owe evrything to them, they saved me when I was drowing in a sea of my own insecurities… and now I owe them everything. Elsie…Mia, without them I dint think id be here now. Id probably be at home suffocating on my anxiety and depression. My fears is also why I stay in the library most of the time, I can’t handle people, they scare me more than anything.
Period 1 and 2 went by ok, I had fun in Religion, I already knew about Tilly Devine from drama last year so I didn’t need to listen, I just tuned out and played Undertale. (????)?*:???Recess went ok… but then English rolled around. I was terrified, we were put into groups that the teacher choose.???? I felt short of breath and like I was in a tiny box with no air holes, my palms were sweaty and I only hoped that id be place in the same group as Elsie, but alas fate is against me I’ve been placed with 4 popular kids that loomed over me like lions looking at a fat wounded zebra. I had things to input, I understood what we were doing and knew the answers but, I felt that is I even made a noise they would turn on me with glowing red eyes and destroy my puny existence. I have never been more scared in my life… one toe out of line and I would be wiped of the face of the earth. I could only sit and wait with bated breath until 11:45 when I could get out of there and to the J.S. I’ve been put in New Zealand with……… Lachlan Box, I’ve heard hes a nice guy, but if my experience had taught me anything its that it’s the nice ones that’ll turn around and spread rumors like a disease. I don’t even get lunch… god help me! ?_? After I put my stuff in my locker, I started slowly up the stairs to hell near the canteen, when I finally got to the oval, there was a sea of people awaiting me, what made it worse was that it was stinking hot and I was in the wrong uniform!!!! I was having a pretty bad day so far ?(????) but then the activities started and… I remembered why I wanted to be a primary school teacher, the kids are amazing, they were sweet, eccentric and made me feel welcome… Lachlan was there but once I started to help run the activities all else seemed to fade away and it was just me and the kids as well as the awesome teacher that was there, I can’t remember her name but then again I have the memory of a concussed goldifsh. The rest of the day was the same…boring and mundane and when I got home I just watched scream (the TV show)… that’s my life… boring… but at least tomorrow I am babysitting so that should be interesting, I love Coop and Soph but there are two other grubs coming and I don’t know who they are so… we’ll wait and see.
Bye Guys see ya later
