I was born on Friday, 12th September 2003 in England. My mum and dad loved me at first, but then they started arguing when I was 1. My mum cheated on my dad and she left him when I was 2 and a half for the man she cheated on him with. His name was Karl and he seemed nice, he went from being just Karl to Daddy Karl and then to Daddy. I saw him as my father and he treated me as his daughter. On Sunday, 13th April my half brother Kaleb was born. Then in July my mum married Karl and in 2010 we moved to the other end of the country. After that everything changed. I was bullied for being different, my mother did drugs and eventually abandoned us, Karl moved us in with his new girlfriend who began to beat us. And then it just felt like it was me and Kaleb against the world. I became a mother figure to him and he became my world. But the world came back to hurt us very quickly. After 5 years of abuse I told Karl about everything and we moved into with his parents. They looked after us and things got beteer but in December 2017 Karl hurt me. He did things to me I can’t bring myself to mention. I was scared and needed help, that was all I understood about the situation. So when school started again I went to my best friend and told him everything that had happened, he tried to get me to talk to an adult but I refused as I was scared Karl would hurt me or Kaleb. Jack, my best friend, realised the danger I was in and told a teacher who called the police and social services. A few days later I was taken into care and I have since dropped charges against Karl, lost contact with my brother and moved to live with my biological dad. Things are better now but I’m still not happy. I hurt myself say I slipped or that my cat scratched me. I wander around the house aimlessly when I’m alone. I wonder about death and whether it’d be better and I don’t sleep because all get, if I do, is nightmares about Karl and Kaleb. Maybe I should just give up, it’d be easier…
I’m so sorry you’re going through this at such a young age. I have went through the same trauma as you have, and I’m cannot express the sympathy I have for you. I have had to leave forcefully abandon my life, my ‘father’ as well for the hurtful things that have been done. Just let this be known that this trauma will not define you as a person. Yes, you will have days where it’s going to hurt a lot and it’s okay to feel that way, but if you’re feeling very ‘real’ with the suicidal thoughts, please seek help and get immediate care, and go to your nearest hospital as soon as possible.
I had recently admitted myself into MH (Mental Health Ward) because- simply put, I wanted to die because the nightmares/PTSD trauma was eating my brain alive. Going there gave me hope, because I was able to take myself out of the haze of depression. Remember: You cannot make movement without an impact. You’re a bright and wonderful person, also extremely intelligent. Know why? Because you’re seeking help right now, by being on this site. You didn’t want to be alone in this, thus you’re here. If you ever need someone to get through your darkest days, send me a private message. You’re not alone in this, and I don’t mind listening. If I’m not around and you need to vent, leave me a message as well and I’ll get back to you.
Wow thank you, I think its amazing that people are willing to help me without even knowing me. I really appreciate your support and would love to talk to you more
Well said