So lets begin. I will warn anyone who reads this it will have some mature content. I am trying to make it blunt as possible but its my life. It happend.
Starting at the beginning…. I have a sister who is autistic, and very violent. She beat me up when I was younger when ever I got close to my mom. So to fix the situation for my saftey my mother avoided me, abandoned me and continues today when I need her most. Anyway… So out of fear and anger. Anything my sister touched I would never even look at it again, and I began to run away. There was alot of yelling and my mom smoked constantly. When I went to school I tried to find the comfort I needed in friends. Unfortunately at 5 years old I was still uncool and was made fun of, teased every day to tears. Anyone who showed any interest in me I stuck with. Thats how I met Chris in Kindergarden. He had a crush on me, touched me inaproapately, and even drew me nice pictures. ( He was also in kindergarden) I tried to do the right thing and ask him to stop. Instead I got in trouble for it. So I stopped asking him to, and bore it. He continued to touch me, play with my hair, and ask to kiss me. I was no older then 6 nor was he. This continued on for another year, I was afriad of school afraid of home. Around the same time I was introduced to a game… a game my female cousin( not blood related) wanted to play. I didn't want to play but she insisted and it went on.
So needless to say i was introduced to topics way before my years. It left me feeling bad, dirty, and very alone. I didn't trust my mother ( still don't) and to this day my parents have no idea. Knowing what I was doing was wrong but unsure how to stop it, or what it even was I became violent like my sister. I remember clearly out of anger at one point I smashed a dead birds head with a hammer, the same day I unscrewed a nail to stab myself. Keep in mind this was at age 7-8. The "Game" was still going on and I found myself in the dark. It wasn't untill I was about 9 that it finially hit me what this " Game" was. By this time I was in a private christian school and for a few years was able to enjoy life.