Hey everyone, so I believe it was April 6th; my now ex, broke up with me. I finally have gotten over him I feel, and of course since he was my first serious boyfriend, and we were so close before, I will always have some love for him, but not as much, and not in the same way. So, let’s start from the very beginning so you guys can all know why I’m dreading tomorrow so badly. May 25, 2016, the “boy of my dreams” finally made the move, and became my boyfriend. Here’s the funny part; neither of us asked each other out. I had never had my first kiss so when we were walking together, he said “I bet you won’t kiss me” and sure enough I did. I had met him 2 months before, and had been pining for him ever since. I had finally got the guy even though I was about 150% sure that he was way out of my league. For starters, his ex girlfriend is fucking gorgeous. Like there’s no way I could ever compete with her. Secondly, he was gorgeous. From the moment he walked into that classroom and I saw his beautiful brown eyes, I was done for. I knew right then that I wanted him, and I made the first move and DM’d him about a week after he got there. Once we started talking, I was officially done for. We had so many interests and hobbies in common, and we connected immediately. I had to watch my dream guy be with someone else on and off for a while, but I finally got him. He met my mom, stepdad, and sister on June 25, 2016 because we wanted to celebrate our one month together. My mom’s super strict and doesn’t let me go anywhere or do anything, so I rebelled in July, and went to the movies and mall with my friends without adult supervision because I think it’s a stupid rule for a 14 year old. But we met him at the mall afterward and we had made out in Barnes & Nobel, and it was crazy really. I didn’t think I would ever do things like that, or better yet, that I could ever feel that happy, just because of the presence of someone being in my life like that. I basically ratted myself out on accident to my mom the day after though, which sucked but I had an amazing time and didn’t regret it at all. August came around, and I was grounded so we didn’t get to talk a lot. Only when someone at band camp would so graciously let me borrow their phone, and I saw him at our “first” football game which got cancelled because of a lightening/thunder storm, but he still came out to support me and I had never had anyone to support me like that so it felt really good. September followed, and since we had started school at the end of August, everything was really mellow, and no drama had sprung up yet. Now, let’s look at October. This is where all absolute hell broke loose. My mom went to visit my stepdad for about a week I’d say, and I had the amazing idea of “oh hey, babe, why don’t I sneak you over while my mom is across the country and my oblivious grandfather watches me!” It worked. I managed to sneak him in on a Sunday, because the plan was for him to just ride the bus with me the next morning, it was excruciatingly awkward, but a lot of parts felt good. And we’re all mature here, so you should get the jist of why I snuck him in to begin with. About 10:00 that night, our friend texts him and says “no school tomorrow” and I think my heart dropped to my ass. Because I had no clue how I would hide him for an entire day. But I did. And then that night, SCHOOL WAS FUCKING CANCELLED AGAIN for that Tuesday. He had to eventually go home, and he had told his mom he was staying with his friend, so around 5:30 AM Tuesday, his alarm on his phone (which was right next to my ear) started blaring “Gives You Hell” by The All-American Rejects. I woke him up, and he proceeded to get dressed, and jump out of my 2 story window. I threw him his phone down, and he ran to my friend’s house for shelter. But, that night, around 11 or midnight, I snuck him back in. Wednesday morning, we got up, took a shower, got dressed, filled an extra condom up with white lotion, and walked to my bus stop. Now, you see, he knew we passed his ex’s house on the way to my bus stop, so we threw the condom on her skateboard, which was in her driveway. And the next weekend we went to homecoming, which was the last time he went to my house, and it was great. Now, about 3 weeks after the whole thing happened, when I thought we were safe, my mom went through my messages, saw an unopened message from whoever, asking about it, and that was that. She slammed my door open and stood there for a while. She asked if I snuck him in, I said yeah. Asked if we had sex, I said no. She got pissed anyway and took off my door, took my TV/DVD player, and proceeded to hit and kick me. She screamed, and went off. She fucking lost it. My life soon became a living hell. I tried to kill myself 3 times during the whole ordeal, and they were all (obviously) ineffective. November, we were supposed to be broken up. About 2-3 weeks after my mom found out, I get on the bus and sit beside one of my closest friends. She looks all weird, and then nudges over to the seat beside us. There, I see my boyfriend curled up in a ball. I automatically knew. I acted like I didn’t for that wee bit of faith I had, told myself that I trusted him, and acted oblivious. Two weeks after this, he doesn’t come to school. I was texting him off a friend’s phone, and saw the text. “We need to talk”. I had a panic attack immediately and missed about 75 minutes of my 90 minute math class as the conversation continued. I tried to calm down, and said “Okay…” which followed by him saying “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I think that you and I should breakup.” I went in the bathroom with my friend, and had a series of serious tears, screaming, and kicking. I called him in there and asked him through my sobbing “What did I do wrong?” he kept saying that I didn’t do anything, that it was all him. I fuck everything up in my life, so I didn’t believe him. Two days later, my best friend finally gives me confirmation to what I knew all along. She told me he had ate my friend out. I doubted myself that morning when he was on my bus, but obviously for no reason. I was livid. I called him out for lying to me, and I called her out for being a shitty friend. A day or 2 after this, she tells me to slap her, which I OBVIOUSLY DO BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT? And she had to get ice for her face apparently. About 2-3 days after the breakup, he seemed sincere, so I do the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever done, and take him back. Then aha, 11 FUCKING DAYS LATER, he breaks up with me AGAIN. Because of which I later find out, HE WAS STILL TALKING TO HER. So I had already had plans that night to go to a sweet 16 party for one of my color guard members, and I invited my guy best friend because I didn’t wanna be there alone. He showed up, and he asked me out. ANOTHER STUPID DECISION. He’s an amazing guy, and I had already had some feelings for him that I pushed aside, so I said yes. I shouldn’t have though. Because I wasn’t ready for another relationship. I broke up with him like 3-4 days later because my ex was giving me attention again and I still loved him so we got back together. This was in December, which leads us to now. Over spring break, he got drunk with his friends one night. He told me I was a controlling bitch, that he would leave me for so many other girls, that everything always has to be about me, and then I told him I would change, and that we should talk the next day, then he proceeded and ended our conversation and relationship with a lovely, “It doesn’t matter, I’ve been cheating on you anyway, bye hoe.” I cried the rest of the night, and ate ice cream while watching Twilight: New Moon, with my 12 year old cousin. And we’ve been broken up since. He gave me an apology 5 days later, and told me that over the course of our 10, almost 11, month relationship, that he had cheated on me 7 TIMES. Last week is when I finally realized that I was over him. He was extremely special to me, but he broke my trust, my heart, he really just broke me. Because even though I’m over him, my depression has worsened, and I was about 6-7 months clean, I’m now almost 2 weeks clean. He has definitely broke me. So while he keeps trying to be buddy buddy with me, tomorrow will be excruciatingly painful, because it would’ve been our 1 year anniversary. So I’ll need about 50 joints, and 12 bottles of Malibu coconut rum, along with some ice cream; but I can’t have any of that, so I’ll have to be strong. And honestly, if I can get through all of that^, I can get through tomorrow. I think.

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