Hello

I am a 14 year old biracial girl living in a small town in rural mn  i live with my mom my gramma my sister and our 6 animals a lot huh ?  my family has a long list of mental illnesses  such as, bipolar, major depression, schizophrenia and anxiety, I’m just going to get into it at 6 years old i had friends.. not the friends you meet at school they were whispers in my head we all were bestfriend i remember them comforting me when i was lonely and sad, they always told me that we were going to be best friends and that i am their other half, one day i told my mom and she thought they were just imaginary friends and that i would grow out of it.. that was not the case.. at 8 years old they started to yell.. they would scream at me saying all these horrible things they told me to do bad things to myself which later on i did.. at 10 2 years later i gave in to them i took a knife out of the block and started to cut.. i remember the great feeling when i saw the blood run down my body i thought i had finally made them proud of me.. but they wanted more so as the year went on i made more scars on my body and i wouldn’t show my bare skin to anyone . a year later the cutting got worse and us having a brand new baby kitten gave me my excuse ” yeah mom gemma got me good last night ” the kitten eventually tamed and i lost the excuse so i stopped. for about 4 months and the voices got worse and worse at 13 i made my first suicide attempt i had the pills in my hand but i thought why don’t i just tell them i love them one last time so i walked out to the living room and broke down i fell into my grammas lap shaking and crying i kept repeating the words ” i’m sorry, i’m done ” my sister she said it was ‘all for attention’ those were her exact words my gramma took me to the er and i spent hours getting evaluated and stupid enough the crisis team sent me home the next day i was hospitalized for about 10 days i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and psychosis the crisis has came for suicide attempts 4 other times  its happening again to the point i can’t go to school and sometimes i stay in bed for a week at a time i’m scared

3 Comments
  1. Author
    broken14 5 years ago

    Thank you for the encouragement lately It’s just been horrible and hearing from you has put a smile on my face so thank you for that

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  2. bridgie101 5 years ago

    has anyone diagnosed you with schizophrenia? You need to tell someone about the voices. There’s medication you can take.

    xx be brave, hang on in there, and get a proper psychiatric diagnosis, and that’s when your life will start to turn around.

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  3. delane 5 years ago

    broken14, ***hugs*** my heart goes out to you.
    Both hawk and bridgie make good points. Please, take care of yourself and know that you’re not alone in this fight. i’m pretty sure your grandmother really cares and loves you….can you talk to her, openly? If you can, i’d suggest sharing some of these things with her, even if you have to do it away from your sister.

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