I have been on here for a short period of time now, it has been so helpful for me. My anxiety gets really bad when I have to spend periods of time alone, it doesnt have to be long periods of time either. As I sit alone, the house starts to feel really small and it gets hard for to breath and it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I never had this problem growing up. Almost two years ago now I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He was very mentally abusive and at a few points he was physically abusive. We were together for almost 9 years. After we split he remained living in the house for months refusing to leave doing everything in his power to make sure I couldnt be happy or enjoy anything before he finally left. After thatI began to date my old high school flame. I thought things were wonderful. I had finally found the happiness I so longed for. Then on the first night we spent together, the night before Thanksgiving in 2010 he told me he didnt think he could do it. He didnt know if he could leave his kids mother. That next day when was I had my first attack. I went as far as buying a bottle of pills to take. As I layed on the bed in that empty hotel room thinking about what I could have done wrong I fell asleep and didnt wake until I got a call from him in the morning and he stayed with me. I dated him on and off until last Decemeber where we decided to just be friends. The anxiety has gotten better but has never went away. Thru the last year I have found myself in a ball on the bathroom floor more times than I want to remember. I dont ever want to find myself there again.
Next Saturday my daughter leaves for the summer for 9 weeks. For 9 weeks I will be alone with just my puppy.I have been unable to tell my family about my anxiety and have not seen a doctor. My ex-boyfriend that I dated untl last Decemeber is the only one who knows the severity, he is the only one I have ever been able to trust enough to confide in. My daughter has never been away this long before. I am scared. I dont have many friends and on a budget there is not much to do to occupy time.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated