I don't even know what to say. I want to feel happy for him, but I don't. I guess I'll fake it then. I would hate for someone else in my family to feel what I've been feeling since my mom's lackluster reaction to my news, even if he is a bone-head.
Apparently, this woman he's engaged toafter less than a year is a few weeks pregnant. She's okay–not a bad person, per se–but I have a hard time trusting anyone who, along with her 4 kids from another marriage will move in with agold minenew boyfriend after just a few months. It reeks of desperate gold-digging and new daddy hunting. It's irresponsible to drag your kids around in such a manner.Lucky for them, my brother is gullable and is working two jobs to support them all.
Not to say that he can't legitimately fall in love with her and care about her kids, but it seems as though he's more enamoured with the family-man, daddy-figure position. He had always wanted kids with his ex wife, but their marriage was a failure.
He and this woman needto give it more time, but as I recently told my brother the news of my own pregnancy, she has gotten baby-fever and has talked him into knocking her up.
I'm trying to be happy for him, but none of it sets right with me. When I tell my husband, I know for a fact that his reaction will be the same as mine. He was suspicious of her when I was still giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I just don't want my brother to be trapped with this woman because he feels guilty about leaving her poor abandoned children behind (and now #5 that's his).
I will TRY to be happy for him. Fake it till I make it. After all, nobody should feel like a nobody during their pregnancy.
In one sense, you have to give the woman credit for trying to find a father-figure for her children. Kids need both parents. Perhaps she's made some bad choices and doesn't want her kids to suffer because of it.
But, as you say, her choice seems a bit quick. If she's looking to provide a stable environment, she needs to be sure that she's putting her kids where they will be just that, stable. And after only a year, … I just don't personally feel like that's enough time for her to make that decision.
And your brother may want to be a daddy, but is he ready to tackle that with other kids? I've known too many cases where the kids are resentful and difficult. You know, the old "you aren't my daddy" thing.
I wish your brother the best. But I think your concerns are well-founded. One child is enough, but five will be a handful
I have a bone-head brother myself. But then, he could well describe me the same way. I’m not an example of the perfect brother. I had to learn in recovery that I am powerless over people (meaning I have no control). My brother will make his own mistakes, and hopefully he’ll learn from them. Usually the best I can do is pray for him. Sometimes we’ll talk,but more often than not he’ll turn to others. I have to keep plugging, and do the best I can. I can’t walk the path for him. Just be there for him. Carl