I hit my breaking point like 2 weeks ago and had decided to hang on to see my friends when school goes in person in a couple of weeks and we got our schedules and I don’t go to school on the same days as them so seeing them is off the table. Secondly, my pet chicken, Juliet, died yesterday and I was the one to find her which was both sad and terrifying. Although my dad says she just got sick and it isn’t anyone’s fault I still blame myself cause it was my job to take care of her and now I’m scared that I’ll mess something up and another pet will die.
And all of this is on top of the already passed breaking point and I am in all new classes with new people which is scary and I am quickly running out of free time but all I want to do is sleep so I don’t have to deal with any of this but I don’t have time for extra sleep.
I don’t know how to talk about my feelings to my parents or friends and I feel like more and more keeps piling up and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Try to breathe, okay? Everything’s going to be okay. You’re going to make friends and you’re going to feel better, just try to believe in yourself and take it one day at a time. It’s not your fault Juliet died, though I get why you blame yourself, I do that all the time.
*starts crying
Look, I know what it feels like to not be able to talk to anyone. I don’t trust my parents anymore after the things they’ve done to me and to each other, and i’m not allowed to talk to my relatives because they judge my family enough as it is. Sometimes I feel like I have to hold all this pain in my chest and not show it because i’m the one keeping my broken family together. But it’s not true- I’m not responsible for it, I can’t save it, I just have to take care of myself. I’ve taken to writing in my journal and writing songs to get out my feelings, mostly because my journal listens without judgement and when I upload my songs I know someone else in the universe is going to listen to it and say “hey, she knows exactly what i’m going through!” I know what you’re going through:) Find a way to get it out, writing, drawing, painting, music, dance, carving, idk, any of the arts are perfect because you can express whatever you want in them because it’s art. You can do this, I believe in you:)
It’s gonna be ok sweetie! I remember being young and having anxiety problems. I own chickens also. Occasionally, I lose one and have no idea why and I consider myself to be a good pet owner. I think some anxiety medicine would greatly help you. Can you change your schedule at school? If not, just try to make new friends with people in your new classes. Just hang on…it’s gonna get better.