I hate this time of night, forced to switch off in order for me to restart yet another day I count towards all the days spent wasting where i could have been following my dream if my dearest mother didn’t screw me over with my inheritance, they always say that everything happens for a reason, but everyday day when I find myself alone in bed with my mind wondering away to where I could have been, I can’t help but fall into the dark side again… my rage takes over, my mind ceases to revert to logic and reason leaving my emotions to take control… at the moment, even after 3 weeks of leave I find myself fighting a daemon from years in the past with a depleted, last resort energy source…
I can’t even begin to explain just how much “out of place” I feel every day… I was told that if I revert to my roots a shall find my place in the puzzle that is life… knowing that I cannot afford it, I went the motion school of arts 5 years after my dreams burned in the biggest napalmed disappointment ever! I’m 27 years of age and still have no future, I can’t chase after my dreams cause it was stolen from me due the emotional damaged caused between my parents.
My interview went great at the university, I know that’s where I belong, I immediately connected with my peers, for the first time ever I can communicate with someone without having to explain myself. The interview went great, I was accepted immediately, they only accept 40 students per year and they didn’t even second guessed me after showing them what I was capable off without any means of education within the field. So now the deception of my own blood cuts deeper, I’m stuck in my dead end job with no challenges knowing that where I belong can never realise… knowing this, its needless to say that every day without me being where I belong is prolonging agony! All I want is to be able to pursue my dreams and make a difference as I was intended to!
How do I accept and watch my dreams burn away as I did so many years ago but now knowing that I belong there, not only in my mind, but also the alumni?! I can never afford R50000 ($5899.00) a year full time for four years to get my masters degree in Animation, Cinematography, Visual effects and script writing… will I always resent my mother for robbing me of my dreams? How can I get to where I need to be without the funds?!
I feel so lost and alone most of the time, I have my “nerd” friends but they can only relate to me on a gaming level. How can I face this mountain that seems bigger than Everest knowing that where I need to be is just on the other side?!