Background…Been married for 7 years to a selfless and very kind man. He did tell me he had some mental health issues before we married. Many of these issues were dismissed because of the stress he was under in an unhealthy marriage prior to us. There were minor OCD symtoms he displayed over the years (calling from work several times a day, checking doors/locks/lights, constantly following me around the house, constantly trying to get me attention if I am trying to relax and read or watch TV, never finishing tasks, etc) but nothing that wasn't manageable for us. About a year ago, I started to notice that he was becoming obsessed with sex. We already had sex 4-6x a week (that I enjoyed for a while too). I can barely get into bed before he is already asking for it. Then the more sex we had, the worse he got obessed with it…and wanting more of it…thinking about it all day etc. I used to joke and say nothing was ever enough..but how little did I know that this was TRUE! He gets really upset with himself when he turns to or even thinks to turn to porn. I am completely ok with using porn, but he isn't due to religious beliefs. If he thinks about looking it up on his phone, he will obseesed about it and whether he does it or not, it will completely ruin his day. The only time we argue is when he wont equally do his part problem solving an issue out with me. He has always let me have the upper hand on decisions with financials and parenting, but recently I have asked him to help/be more involved and he just can't do it. So, a couple weeks ago, he got back on medication and started therapy for OCD. I really thought this would help but it has only worsened everything OCD-wise. His mood is depressing and all he can talk about is having OCD and not actually figuring out what he can do to help himself. His therapist said that I may be giving into any/all attempts of his needs in reassurance (the calls all day, answering him when I am relaxing, sex daily, solving his problems, etc). So, until I meet with the therapist too…is there ANYONE that has gone through this (OCD-Spouse or OCD-sufferer) that could give me some tips on dealing with his need for reassurance and sexual obsessions? Or why this is worse after seeking help than before? Am I even supposed to have sex with him? or does that give in too? 🙁 Gosh…I'm in tears (and I have only ever cried 3 times in frustration about our relationship!).</p>
<p>To throw another curve ball out there..he has a teenage son whom we have been trying to help with his ADD issues. BOTH MY HUSBAND AND HIM ARE IDDENTICAL in every way. My step-son just confided in me about his worries about the end of the world (in which he talks to the family about a couple times a week! How could I NOT see he was suffering too?), worries about death, worrying if a sibling is going to die when they drive away and can't sleep till their home ETC…So, now we have an appointment for him too. But if my husband is ANY indication on how medication and therapy work…I don't know if I can handle it with out a mental break down.
Please help me :/ Thank you!
Wow, I haven't really been on here much anymore, but your story spoke to me.
First, let me say that my obsessing got worse after starting therapy. I was pretty much a basket case for 3 months. BUT, I got so much better than I had ever been in my life before. It takes time and patience and a whole lot of work, but it will get better. He has to want it badly. So do you.
I would really suggest you go to his therapy with him. My husband attended all of my therapy with me and it brought us closer, he understands what I'm going through and how to help me when I need it. He doesn't give in to my need for reassurance and it was really the best thing I could have asked for.
I'm much, much better. I've come so far since last October. I'm medicated with 40 mg's Prozac, but I've stopped coping with alcohol, my relationships are healthy, I've received a promotion at work, I'm doing well in school and my family (which is the most important part of all) is much happier. Good luck, it's rocky but worth it.
Hey there.
I'm so sorry about what all this is doing to you. There's not much I can say on this except I'm here if you need to talk and…I can answer -one- question. Have sex when you're in the -mood- to. When you -want- to. Don't have it to feed OCD. That's pretty…bad for you both. If you're both happy and wanting to? Go for it. One of the hardest things people who love those of us with OCD have to do is -not- participate even if it makes us mad, sad, whatever. It sometimes takes time for therapy and medication to work, or for the right combination to be found. Stress exacerbates OCD…so…I'm guessing the more he acknowledges it, the more stressed he is, which feeds the OCD, which makes the help a little harder. If you haven't already…try picking up some books on the topic. The OCD Workbook actually talks about loved ones and their situation–what they should be doing. Whatever happens, you have to be able to live -your- life. Be there for him, but don't neglect -you-. Take care. I hope things improve soon.
I am so sorry you are going through this i suffer from ocd but iam the opposit when it comes to sex i am afriad and terrified and disgusted about it and it has destroyed ny life.
One thing all therapist will tell you is NOT to reassure people with ocd as it feeds the ocd and keeps the cycle going some one gave me this link it's about sexual ocd ive not looked at it properly but maybe there might be someting in it that can help you.
ocd.about.com/od/livingwithoc1/a/ocd_sex.htm.
Good luck. Cheryl
Thank you everyone. I can not express enough how even writing this out the other night helped…but with people like you positively supporting my story and your own was icing on the cake! We have had a very rough couple of days. It's so hard not wanting to reassure him..I feel like I'm ignoring him. But because I've done this, For the very first time.. he sat down last night and told me that he now was starting to understand how much he relys on me to just simply get through a day. He apologizes A LOT…but this was different. It broke my heart and mended it all at the same time. It's going to be a long road…but last night with him and your comments give me hope! 🙂 I'm so glad I found this site. Journaling here is something that has to become a regular thing for me!