For about a week I felt like I had come out of this bad low I've been feeling for the past month or so, but now I'm back down. I had gone to my parent's house for a few days and it was nice. I actually didn't feel sad there and it was nice to be out of the city and in a place filled with the beauty of nature. I missed my boyfriend, though. It was nice to come home to him yesterday. He had flowers for me when I got home 🙂
But, I got some bad news today and it paralyzed me again. I've been unemployed for a month and I've been kind of hopeful about some interviews that I just had last week in a different city. It was exciting to me….the jobs, the new town, the possibility of getting out of the city.. Today I got a letter from one on the companies, though. It was a classic "Thanks for your interest, but we're not hiring you" letter. I've been feeling so worthless and these things make it worse. I want to work so bad and just have a normal life again, but it seems like it just can't work out for me no matter how hard I try.
After I graduated from college, I lived in Mexico and taught there. I'm considering doing this again. Part of me likes that excitement of running off to a foreign country. However, I'm in a serious relationship now and don't exactly want to be nomadic…. Maybe I want to continue living with him and have a stable life…
Either way, I'm slowly fizziling out right now. I don't know where to turn and I'm running out of money. I want work so much. I feel like such a useless person. I know a person shouldn't be defined by their profession, but I feel like such a loser. Such a nothing.
I have one more company that I'm waiting to hear from for the time being….I'm just crossing my fingers.