For about a week I felt like I had come out of this bad low I've been feeling for the past month or so, but now I'm back down.  I had gone to my parent's house for a few days and it was nice.  I actually didn't feel sad there and it was nice to be out of the city and in a place filled with the beauty of nature.  I missed my boyfriend, though.  It was nice to come home to him yesterday.  He had flowers for me when I got home 🙂

But, I got some bad news today and it paralyzed me again.  I've been unemployed for a month and I've been kind of hopeful about some interviews that I just had last week in a different city.  It was exciting to me….the jobs, the new town, the possibility of getting out of the city..  Today I got a letter from one on the companies, though.  It was a classic "Thanks for your interest, but we're not hiring you" letter.  I've been feeling so worthless and these things make it worse.  I want to work so bad and just have a normal life again, but it seems like it just can't work out for me no matter how hard I try. 

After I graduated from college, I lived in Mexico and taught there.  I'm considering doing this again.  Part of me likes that excitement of running off to a foreign country.  However, I'm in a serious relationship now and don't exactly want to be nomadic…. Maybe I want to continue living with him and have a stable life…

Either way, I'm slowly fizziling out right now.  I don't know where to turn and I'm running out of money.  I want work so much.  I feel like such a useless person.   I know a person shouldn't be defined by their profession, but I feel like such a loser.  Such a nothing.

I have one more company that I'm waiting to hear from for the time being….I'm just crossing my fingers. 


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